


Been Dreaming Of You

by damntrobed



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, trobed reunion fic yet again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:54:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28086519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damntrobed/pseuds/damntrobed
Summary: When Troy finishes his trip, he expects everything to go back to how it used to be.But life waits for no one.or, Troy has to figure out how to adjust to life now that he's back and everyone else has moved on.
Relationships: Abed Nadir/Original Male Character(s), Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 87
Kudos: 159





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> this should be fun :)  
> be happy, be safe, be well, and as always, much love to you all

It wasn’t like Troy expected Abed to drop everything, to open his door and kiss him and make Troy’s heel kick up. It wasn’t like he expected music to swell in the background, and a spotlight to close in around them as they melted into one another. He didn’t even expect Abed to answer the knocks. 

What he didn’t expect was for Abed to open the door, and for there to be an empty seat and two older adults sitting at a small dinner table. What he didn’t expect was for Abed to push him into the hallway, closing the door quickly behind him, and ask Troy furiously what he was doing at his apartment. 

What he didn’t expect was to see a ring on Abed’s finger. 

“ _T_ _roy_!” Abed hisses in his face, bringing Troy out of his head. “What are you _doing_ here?”

—

When Abed moved to Los Angeles, he was anxious to start over with a clean slate. No more Greendale, no more scraping by and barely making monthly rent, no more memories lurking in the back of his head. 

Moving to LA meant _no more Troy_. He could finally move on, to a place where memories of Troy hadn’t tainted every place, hadn’t left his mark. 

It wasn’t that Abed wanted to forget Troy. Troy was his best friend, and he had been really great for Abed, but now he was gone, and they hadn’t talked since the day he left. It was time for Abed to move forward with his life. 

Jeff had congratulated him with a tight-lipped smile over FaceTime when Abed told him he’d been seeing someone. Britta had aggressively shown her support for him when he mentioned off-handedly that his boyfriend had taken him on a private tour of the Warner Brothers lot for his birthday. Annie had politely kept her opinions to herself when Abed told her he had moved in with him after only being together six months. 

The first time they came to visit him out west, they were genuinely shocked to see how _well_ Abed was doing. They hadn’t seen him smile this much since Troy had been around, and Lucas fit in really well with the group. 

He was attentive to Abed’s needs, and he made Abed laugh constantly. He even tied Abed’s shoes for him. 

Jeff tried to think of any reason to hate the guy, but he couldn’t. He had made it clear to Britta and Annie that he wanted the best for Abed, but for a long time he couldn’t accept that maybe that was Lucas. But he started staying in contact with him more, and they would hang out when he came to visit, and the guy grew on him. He and Annie even flew out to help him propose to Abed on their two year anniversary. 

So when Troy calls him after two and a half years, asking for Abed’s address, Jeff doesn’t know what to do. 

“Troy...I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” Jeff sighs, running a hand over his face and craning his neck to look at the alarm clock on his bedside table. 

“Jeff, I-I did a _lot_ of soul-searching and-and looking _really_ hard at myself, and...” Troy trails off, and Jeff can practically hear the tears in Troy’s eyes about to spill over. “I have to see him, Jeff.” he says, voice watery. 

Jeff groans quietly but reluctantly gives him the address. Before Troy can hang up, he says “Troy.”

“Yeah?”

“He’s...” Jeff doesn’t know exactly what to tell him. “He’s not the same guy, you know. Please. Don’t...do anything rash.” 

He can hear Troy scoff quietly on the other end. “Of course I won’t.” And then the line goes dead. 

—

When Troy finished his trip after a little less than four years, he didn’t know what to do. He thought maybe after seeing all of the places he’d ever want to see, doing all the things he wanted to do, he’d have some semblance of an idea. 

But he didn’t. The only thing he wanted was Abed. Not like _that_ , he just missed his best friend. He missed the way Abed smiled, and made movie and television references all the time, and the way his eyes lit up when he saw Troy. And the way his lanky arms could wrap completely around Troy and still reach his opposite shoulders...and the way he would shake his head sometimes to get the hair out of his eyes when he let it get a little long...and the way he’d let his fingers linger on Troy anytime they were together. 

It took him six months to realize he was in love with Abed. It took him the remaining three years and some odd months to try and forget that. 

But he couldn’t. 

So when he docked just outside of Los Angeles, and put himself up in a live-in hotel room until he figured out what exactly his next move was, he happened across a poster in the lobby for a new movie coming out, directed by Abed Nadir. And then he didn’t have to think about what was coming next, because Abed was _here_. And it all could go back to how it was before. Troy and Abed, back together again. 

With the tiny addition of Troy’s love for Abed slowly taking him over again, of course. Soon all he could think about was how _good_ it would feel to be with Abed, and to be _with_ Abed. 

So he took a month, trying to figure out how to get in contact with him, trying to figure out what to say to him, that everything else went on the back burner. Most of the boxes he shipped were still packed in his bedroom, and he’d all but abandoned looking for a permanent place of residence. The only thing on his mind was Abed. 

To say he dreamed about what it would be like to reunite with his best friend and self-determined soulmate would not be an exaggeration. He would wake up giddy most mornings, having gone through so many simulations of how perfect their reunion would be it seemed impossible for a negative outcome to occur. He was sure of it. 

So when he sees a silver band wrapped around Abed’s finger, it’s also not an exaggeration to say his entire world came shattering down around him.

—

“Troy!” Abed says again, this time waving a hand in front of his face.

Troy opens his mouth, but the words get stuck in his throat. Abed’s curls are coming down around his ears, and he’s wearing a white dress shirt with black pants. He looks...well, like an adult. Troy looks down at his patterned shorts and plain white t-shirt, and he suddenly feels childish. 

“Look, I don’t have time for this, so if you’re not going to say anything, I’m going to get back to dinner.” Abed says turning to go back to his apartment, but Troy catches his wrist. 

“Abed-” Troy starts, looking up at him. He forgets everything he rehearsed in the car on the way there, the notes he made for the last month he’s been in LA. “I’m in love with you.” 

Abed sighs, pulls his wrist from Troy’s grasp, and gives him a sad look. He looks back at his apartment door before looking at Troy again, and he doesn’t say anything. 

“My fiancé’s parents are inside...I don’t really have time to do this right now.” he says, sliding his hands into his pockets. 

“Abed can we at least talk about this sometime?” Troy rushes to say, trying not to cry. “Please, I just-” he tries to plead. “I missed you, and I needed to see you. Please, Abed.” He fishes a piece of paper out of his pocket, his phone number scrawled onto it, slightly smeared but still readable from before the ink dried. 

Abed just looks at him and takes the paper cautiously before slipping it into his pocket, face unmoving. “I’ll think about it.” he says after what feels like an eternity of silence. “Goodbye, Troy.” 

And just like that Troy is standing alone in an empty hallway, looking at Abed’s front door, and he feels _lost_. 

Troy doesn’t know how long it takes him to start crying. He just stands in front of the door for a few minutes, and eventually he goes back outside to get some fresh air, but he bumps into a guy putting out a cigarette who’s trying to get back into the building. 

“Sorry, oh geez, you alright?” the guy says as he pats Troy’s shoulder.

“Yeah, uh, no worries. You good?” Troy asks, trying to dry his face quickly. 

“All good, man. My fiancé and my parents are gonna kill me if I don’t get back upstairs soon. They’ll probably kill me anyways once they smell the cigs on me.” The guy chuckles awkwardly, reaching up to scratch the back his head. Troy does the same absentmindedly as he watches him. The guy clears his throat. “Anyways, I’m sorry for bumping into you. Have a good night!” he smiles, giving Troy one more pat on the shoulder before going inside.

And Troy didn’t even hate him. He knew who it was, the guy didn’t need to clarify. And he was perfect for Abed, really, aside from the smoking. He had kind eyes, and a warm smile, and his eyes...he had these bright blue eyes. Troy thinks back to Abed talking about how blue-eyed characters always won him over, good or bad, because they were so captivating. 

Troy just sits down against the wall and cries some more. Because Abed had certainly moved on, and it wasn’t even a downgrade. On the surface, this guy was everything Abed could want.

_And he wasn’t Troy_.

—

When Troy goes home, he immediately looks up Abed’s social media, and scrolls through tons of pictures of them, trying to figure out who this guy is. 

His name is Lucas, and he seems to be an up-and-coming actor, working on what looked like the same show Abed was working on when they first got together. They have a few famous friends, and they’ve been to numerous events together. Troy tries to hate him, because everything in his body wants him to, but he can’t. He can’t because Abed’s smile is big and bright, in every single photo, and he just looks so _happy_ , and he deserves to be happy. Troy can’t hate him for helping Abed find that. 

He eventually comes across their engagement photos, and he’s more shocked than anything to see Jeff there. 

He ignores the late time on his phone as he calls him, already feeling tears fall over his eyes again. 

“Troy, it’s two in the morn-”

“How long did it take him?” Troy chokes out through the phone. “To find somebody else?”

“I- Troy-” Jeff grunts, and he can hear him moving in the background, apologizing to someone gently and closing a door before answering Troy. “It wasn’t until after he left Greendale. He was...in a bad place. When you left.” Jeff says, talking quietly. “But, this guy...he’s really good for him, Troy. Don’t ruin this for him. I can’t...” he hears Jeff sniff slightly. “I can’t see him go through that kind of hurt again.”

Troy feels the pain in his chest tighten, and he tries not to sob over the phone. “Jeff, I need him to know-”

“No. You don’t.” Jeff says quickly, almost snapping at him. “You _want_ him to know, and that’s valid in its own right, but...don’t do this, okay? The time has come and gone for that, he moved on and now you have to, too. You have to. You did what you had to do, and so did he. It’s time to move on, Troy.” Jeff says, his voice a bit softer now. “You gotta let him go.” 

Troy nods, even though Jeff can’t see him, and he hangs up the phone without saying anything else. He lets out this sob that he was holding back, until he’s out of tears and out of energy, falling asleep on the couch. 

He’s startled awake early in the morning, around 5 AM, by his phone ringing, and it’s _Abed_. He answers it quickly, his voice raw and scratchy from crying. “Abed-”

“One hour, Troy. I can give you one hour during my lunch break today. But that’s it. After that, things go back to how they were. They go back to normal.” Abed’s voice comes through the phone. Before Troy can say anything at all, the line clicks and the phone call is over. 

And Troy starts figuring out how he’s going to say all the things he’s been thinking about for the last three and half years into an hour long conversation.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year everyone :)  
> after taking some time to rest and reset, i am back and very excited to continue this.  
> thank you for all the kind words so far, i greatly appreciate it.  
> be happy, be safe, and be well. much love to you all

Troy tries to go back to sleep, to calm his nerves, but after an hour of tossing and turning, he eventually gives up. The anxiety and anticipation is just eating away at him, so he reluctantly forces himself up off the couch and into the bathroom.

He certainly isn’t the same kid who left Greendale years ago. He has a full beard now, his hair is a little longer, and he’s a little bit heavier. Not the Troy that played the most intense game of Floor is Lava ever played. Not the Troy that wore pajamas in blanket forts for movie nights. Not the Troy that dressed up as Constable Reggie four times a week in the Dreamatorium.

This Troy was a new person. This Troy had drank expensive wine, and tasted delicacies in every country you could think of. This Troy had spent _years_ on a boat, and been captured by pirates, and made it out the other side. This Troy realized he was in love with Abed when he was sitting at dinner with a girl in Brazil, and she had an Inspector Spacetime pin on her denim jacket, and even six months apart from him, Abed was still the only thing on his mind. 

Abed wasn’t used to this Troy. So he had to change it back, as best he could. 

He rubs his chin as he looks himself in the mirror, and decides he can’t part with the beard he’s grown to really like entirely, so he trims it down until it’s only slightly more than a shadow. He inspects it in the mirror, making sure it’s all even and straight, before hopping in the shower.

He takes his time, practically turning the room into a sauna, thinking about what exactly he’s going to say to Abed when he meets him. He makes sure to use the scentless body wash he bought, just because the hotel soap can be overpowering, and he doesn’t want to scare Abed off the moment he gets there. He’s lucky he even gets to see him at all. When the water finally feels like it’s starting to cool off, Troy slams the knob down, sitting in the steam a moment longer. 

When he gets out he wraps a towel tightly around his waist and rubs his stomach absentmindedly. He looks down and sighs a bit at the tone he’s lost over the years. He’s still relatively in shape, granted it’s hard not to be when you’re working on a boat all day every day for three years or so, but he wasn’t the same _kind_ of fit anymore. Part of him wonders if Abed will care, but he knows he won’t. It’s not like he’ll ever see it.

He stares at the boxes stacked in the corner of his room, and starts reluctantly opening boxes to find something resembling an outfit a grown person would wear, not like what he wore last night. Most of his shirts are a bit too tight now, so he gives a heavy sigh as he pulls out the yellow sweatshirt he used to wear in college that never sat on his hips quite right and hung down over his wrists. It’s better than nothing. He pulls out a pair of sun-faded jeans from another box, and pulls them on over his boxers, ignoring the way they’re a little more snug on his thighs than they used to be. He finds the only belt he has left and groans as he puts it in the loosest notch, which still feels a little tight. He decides then that he _will_ go and buy some new clothes at some point.

He jumps as he hears his phone ding. It’s a text from Abed. 

**_From: Abed_ ** _\- Noon. Santa Monica Blvd across from A24._ With an address attached.

It’s only 9 in the morning, but Troy can’t help but feel the excitement well up in his chest. He’s trying not to get ahead of himself, but his mind is already racing. 

_Has he been thinking about me like I’ve been thinking about him? Does he want to do this as much as I do?_

_Is he excited? Or does he just want to get this over with…_

The ball in his chest suddenly feels tight, and he shakes his head, as if the physical movement of it will knock the thoughts out of his brain. He turns and heads back into the bathroom, turning on the tap to wet his toothbrush and put some paste on it. 

As he looks in the mirror while he brushes his teeth, he thinks of late nights on the boat, holding the edge of the sink in the dim light, trying to hold himself upright from exhaustion. He thinks he can still smell saltwater and fish as the mirror changes in front of him, puts him in the small room cluttered with his and LeVar’s small toiletries. He can see raincoats hanging on a small hook beside him, and a leak in the corner of the ceiling, dripping slowly into a small bucket on the floor. 

If he looks in the mirror hard enough, he can still see the bags under his eyes. He blinks hard and tries to change the picture playing in the mirror, change it to something different. 

When he opens his eyes again, the mirror changes around him a second time. Light green tile, green patterned wallpaper. A framed picture of him and Abed and Annie, dressed up nice for Thanksgiving. He smiles a little, moving his toothbrush to his other hand. He stops though, when he sees someone come up behind him. 

_“Hey, scoot over, we both have to brush our teeth.”_ Abed says to him, moving to stand beside him. Troy takes the brush out of his mouth, and cocks his head to the side. _“What’s the matter? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”_ Abed laughs. 

_He’s not here_. Troy thinks to himself. He drops his head down to spit into the sink, and splashes some of the cold running water onto his face, reaching blindly for a towel to dry it off. 

When he picks his head up, the mirror is back to normal. Just him, alone again. 

—

He stares at himself a while longer, unable to shake himself out of how _real_ it felt. He could practically touch Abed’s pajamas if he had turned out his hand another inch. But Abed isn’t here. 

Abed’s at home. With his fiancé. Probably going into work right now, messenger bag slung over his shoulder and a small coffee cup in hand, that never really held coffee. It almost always had chocolate milk in it. 

He goes back into the bedroom, and picks up his watch off the nightstand, sighing deeply at the cool touch of the metal on his wrist, pulling him back down into reality. When he turns his wrist over it’s only 9:30, and he swears that even though all he did was brush his teeth, hours had passed. He falls onto the bed on his back and pulls his phone out of his pocket. He opens up his messages and goes to his chat with Abed. 

**_From: Troy_ ** _\- great! see you soon :)_

Read. 9:18 A.M. 

_Was the smiley face too much? Should I have just ended it at_ see you soon _? Would it have been better if I just sent a thumbs up emoji? No. Abed doesn’t like emojis. Just an_ ok _?_

He throws his phone behind his head gently, before bringing his hands to his face and rubbing his eyes gently. He sits up and grabs his laptop from his backpack, opening it and leaning back on his pillows. He starts surfing through real estate websites, trying to find a place to move into. _If_ Abed wanted to see him again, he should maybe be moved into a place that doesn’t include a free breakfast period from 5-9:30 in the morning and a hot tub limited to three people at a time. 

He finds a good sized penthouse, four bedrooms, two bathrooms. Right on the border of Hollywood and Beverly Hills. He sets up an appointment for later in the afternoon to take a look around, although he honestly doesn’t care much what it looks like, he’s probably just going to buy it anyways. 

By the time he’s done that it’s only 10:15, and he’s starting to feel a bit claustrophobic in the hotel room, so he finds the directions to the café Abed sent him and begins the 45 minute walk, shoving his phone and wallet into his pockets, because what else does he have to do?

He avoids looking into the mirror by the door on the way out, afraid he might see something that isn’t there again. 

—

Troy has always loved being outside. 

Since he was little, his favorite thing to do was be outside. The house he first grew up in backed right to a big field, and he used to run around pretending to be a cowboy, a superhero, anything his little mind could imagine and his little heart could want. Open field, endless opportunities. 

When he was six, they moved to the suburbs. It was important to Troy’s dad he had a backyard to practice football in. He was getting to the age where pee-wee football encompassed his afternoons and weekends, and on days his dad couldn’t take him to the park a few blocks over, he could practice on his own in the backyard, setting up little cones and a net to throw into. When he turned nine his dad took away Troy’s swing set and the rest of the toys, to make more room for Troy to practice. 

When Troy turned fifteen, he started going on runs. Anytime he could. His house was insufferable, his father overbearing, his mother overprotective. The shouting was what drove him outside. So he would wake up, before the sun would rise, and run. He never counted miles, just put on his headphones, laced up his shoes, and ran. It was the only time he had to himself. At school, his friends surrounded him and looked to him for entertainment, however they could get it. Shoving kids into lockers, snickering about quiet kids in classrooms. During football season it was those coaches, yelling at him to push himself harder, to run faster, throw farther. His teammates, yelling at him for direction, for play calls. During the off season it was his track coaches, pushing him to jump a little farther, to sprint a little faster. And when his dad would pick him up at the end of the day, it was him yelling at Troy for letting his grades slip, for getting detention, for having to sit out practices for fucking up too much. 

So he ran. He would run any time he could get it. Because he wouldn’t have to hear the yelling. He could escape it for just a little bit. 

As he got older, he’d take himself to the park on weekends, get in a practice and a workout, in the comfort of his own head. D1 schools were looking at him now, no time to slip up. He could graduate with C’s as long as he kept playing well. He’d practice until he was the last person left, long after the sun went down. 

When he was 18, he decided he didn’t want that anymore. At a high school party, he did a keg flip, crumbled under the pressure. He walked out of the hospital with a cast on his ankle, crutches under his arms, and a weight off his shoulders. His dad’s yelling sounded farther away, and his friends voices came from underwater. He thought that maybe it would all stop now. 

But it didn’t. Now he was stuck inside, unable to run for months. He couldn’t be alone. The day the cast came off was the day Troy knew he never wanted any of it. He sat in his backyard that night and stared at the tree in the corner by the fence, a rope hanging down from where he used to have a tire swing that his dad cut down, trying to block out the sounds of his dad yelling at his mother over the phone. He wanted to go back to his childhood. 

He ran when he went to Greendale. Almost every morning. And he always saw a tall, gangly kid running around the same time, a different loop. He finally put two and two together when that kid asked him if he wanted to be a part of his Spanish study group. Soon he didn’t want to run alone anymore. 

The first night he stayed at Abed’s dorm, he packed running shorts in the bottom of his backpack for the morning, and set an alarm for 4:45. 

“Do you mind if I run with you, in the morning?” Abed asked him quietly in the dark. “It’s just that I never have anyone to run with, but I always see you out there.”

Troy had smiled and given him a nod and a quiet “Sure.” 

He never ran alone again after that. Not until he left. 

He ran when he wasn’t on the boat, too. Anytime he was on land he’d run for miles, until he couldn’t breathe. Until he forgot about the boat, and LeVar, and Abed. Until it was just him again. 

He hated running alone. 

—

Troy took in a deep breath as he left the building and started walking, enjoying the feeling of fresh air filling up his lungs and clearing his head. 

He strolls down the sidewalk, trying to kill as much time as he can, knowing full well he’s already going to be ridiculously early. He takes in his surroundings, smiling gently at passerby’s and waving to little kids who would flap their arms at him first. When he finally gets to the spot Abed told him to be at, he’s confused. 

It was a small coffee shop, quaint and very LA, but the menu was full of things Troy was positive Abed wouldn’t like. Gluten-free and lots of things Troy remembered Abed saying he hated. 

_Did he pick it out just because it was close? Did his fiancé turn him onto this stuff, and now he’s just trying to save face? Does he actually_ like _any of this stuff?_

Troy’s so far in his own head he almost doesn’t hear the girl behind the register call out to him again, impatiently waiting for him to give his order. 

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry-” Troy starts. 

“What do you want?” The girl asks, voice sounding annoyed. 

“Um, just black coffee. Large.” Troy says, fishing his wallet out of his pocket. The girl rings up his highly-overpriced total and he swipes his card, taking the cup with him as she already calls up the next customer, forcing Troy out of the way. 

He finds a tall table in the corner, and sets himself up there, absentmindedly scrolling through his phone. Abed won’t be here for another hour. He tries to ignore the ball of anxiety, or excitement, or whatever he’s feeling in his chest and stomach, but it’s hard to push down. He takes a sip of his coffee and makes a slight face at the bitterness, but too afraid to go back up and ask for creamer and sugar. He wasn’t keen on upsetting the girl again, and his already built-up anxiety kept him in his chair. 

He pulls up the message from Abed again, checking the address even though he already knows he’s in the right place. 

A24. Troy could hardly believe it. Abed was really making strides in the industry, Troy had kept up, but it was still wildly unbelievable that it was _real._ Abed was still just his best friend from Greendale in his mind, even though he certainly isn’t anymore. 

He decides to pull up Abed’s IMDb page, scrolling through his directorial films and productions. He can contribute part of what he’s feeling to pride now, in wonder of everything Abed has done. After around 45 minutes, Troy hears the cashier go “Hi, Abed!”

Troy snaps his head up, and gives a wave to Abed as he walks up to the counter. He’s early as always, just like he used to be. He tries not to feel embarrassed when Abed gives him a quick side-eye, barely acknowledging Troy in the corner. The girl at the counter hands him a bag and a coffee as Abed hands her some cash, and quickly makes his way into the corner. 

He hops up in a seat and immediately pulls a sandwich out of the bag, starting to eat right away. Troy has to stop himself from falling into how beautiful Abed looks sitting here in front of him. He’s wearing grey dress pants and a floral-patterned short sleeve button up, and his muscles fill out the sleeves as he curls his arms up to bring the sandwich to his lips. His hair is a bit curly around the sides and at the front, and it takes everything in Troy’s body not to reach up and brush his hair out his face. 

“What did you want to talk about, Troy? I don’t have a lot of time.” Abed says through somewhat of a mouthful of food, rotating his wrist to check the time. 

“I- uh…” Troy stumbles, coming out of his head, meeting Abed’s piercing eyes. He clears his throat, palms suddenly clammy and legs moving a million miles an hour. “It’s just, well-” 

He can’t get the words out. All he can manage are fragments of words, nothing that makes sense, and he wants nothing more than to curl up and disappear, because he can’t even _talk_ to him anymore. He feels like a doe-eyed teenager, in the face of their crush. Which, he sort of is, aside from the teenager part. 

“Hey. Just breathe.” Abed says, setting his sandwich down and wiping his mouth with a napkin. Troy feels tears prick his eyes at the words, at the way Abed’s voice softened just enough to remind him of long, scary nights in his dorm room or their apartment, when he couldn’t get words out. When he was too upset to speak. He closes his eyes and purses his lips as he takes a long breath in, and a long breath out. 

“I know that it’s been...a long time.” Troy starts. “But I don’t want you to _not_ be a part of my life. It was...unbearable. For four years. It was really awful. And I don’t think I could go another day, week, month, _anything_ without you again.” He looks down at his coffee cup, where his fingers are tapping rapidly on either side, subconsciously following the beat of whatever song is playing over the speakers in the café. “I know things have changed, but I’d really like to meet him. Your fiancé. Sometime, I don’t mean today, and-”

“Troy.” Abed cuts him off, swallowing the last bite of his sandwich and folding up his trash, taking a long sip of his coffee before he looks at him again. “As much as I appreciate the gesture, I don’t know if I’m even ready to...” he trails off slightly, and Troy is searching his face for any betrayal of his emotions. “ _Talk_ , to you, like that again. Much less introduce you to my fiancé.” Troy gives a quiet _oh_ , nodding and swallowing the lump in his throat, wishing the tears won’t spill over. “Maybe some day.” Abed adds, not quickly enough for Troy. “But not anytime soon.”

“Right.” Troy says quietly, looking back down at his cup, fingers moving even faster now as he tries to calm himself down. 

“I know how hard it must have all been for you, being away for that long. But this...this has caught me tremendously off guard. Just because you’re back doesn’t mean I can...I don’t know. Drop my life and start over, just because you want it to. It’s a process, Troy.” Abed says, and the use of his name makes Troy look up at him. He’s surprised by how _articulate_ Abed has become since he last saw him. 

_Is he doing it to save me? Is he acting to make this easier for_ me _? Is it all just a cover?_

“I understand.” Troy says, giving Abed a sad smile. “You always deserved the best. Certainly better than I could have ever given you. I’m just happy that you’re happy.” Troy is lying right through his teeth right now, breaking his own heart. “I’ll always love you, no matter what. But I don’t want to make this more difficult on you. So if me going is what you want, then I’ll go.” Troy’s voice is watery, he can barely register it as his own. 

Abed’s phone buzzes rapidly in his pocket, and he pulls it out and swears a little under his breath. “I have to get back to the studio.” he says quietly. He looks up at Troy. “I’m not saying never. Just...not now. Not today, or next week, or maybe even next month. But not never.” He stands up and puts his phone back in his pocket, giving Troy one last look. “I like the beard.” 

And then he’s gone. It’s just Troy, alone again.


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know what you're thinking.  
> "wow ac, that was fast, how'd you do that?"  
> and it's called adhd.   
> be happy, be safe, be well. times are crazy right now. much love to you all.

When Abed video calls Annie at 4:30 in the morning, she knows something is wrong. She’s getting ready for work, almost 8 A.M for her, and she fumbles to grab her phone off the nightstand. They usually only talk once a week, Friday nights at 5 for him, when they’re both home from work and have a chance to sit down and catch up. Abed never video calls outside of that. 

“Abed? What’s wrong?” Annie asks frantically.

“Troy’s back.” Abed says, his screen being the only thing illuminating his face. His hair is tousled and he looks halfway to hell judging by the bags under his eyes. He’s sitting in his kitchen, glass bottle in hand, and he takes a long sip of it and makes a face before setting it down. 

“Oh!” Annie says with as much energy as she can. No one has heard from Troy since he left, maybe this was a good thing, and- “Oh…” Her tone shifts when she sees the look on Abed’s face. “And...how are we feeling about that?”

Abed just shakes his head quietly, giving a shrug as he picks up the bottle and drinks some more. He never drinks. Not like this. Annie can feel herself tense up as she stands a little straighter.

“He told me he was in love with me.” Abed scoffs. “In front of Lucas’s parents, no less. I’m just glad they couldn’t hear him and that Lucas was outside. I didn’t want to have to explain all of that.” He purses his lips, and Annie holds her breath. And then he breaks. “Why did he have to leave, Annie?” His voice wavers, and his lip quivers, and he finishes the bottle of whatever it is he’s drinking and puts it on the counter, the clink of it hitting the granite reverberating. 

“Oh, Abed-” Annie starts, wishing she could teleport to be beside him and hold him.

“Doesn’t matter.” Abed cuts her off as he sniffs, wiping his nose with his sleeve. “Because I’m with Lucas. And I’m  _ engaged _ . And…” he trails off.

“And you love him?” Annie supplies. Abed gives a tight, small nod. 

“Where does Troy get off? Showing up and saying that to me?” Abed asks, and he’s  _ angry _ , angry in a way that Annie can tell has been lurking below the surface since whenever this happened. “He had his chance, Annie.” he says, nodding to himself like he’s convincing himself what he’s saying is true. And it is, partially. “He had four years to say it. But it’s over now. He doesn’t get that chance anymore.” The tears rolling down his face are silent, but continuous, and he hiccups quietly. There’s a pregnant silence between them, Abed looking like he has more to say, and Annie waiting for him to say it. “What do you say to someone who had your whole life in the palm of their hand, and then took it all away from you?” Abed whispers, dropping his head into his hands, his shoulders heaving with quiet sobs.

“Abed?” Annie says tentatively. When his shoulders stop moving she knows he’s listening. “You know you have to talk to him. He was your best friend-”

“But he left, Annie.” Abed snaps his head up, and his tear-stained face pulls at Annie’s heartstrings. “Best friends aren’t supposed to do that.”

“Abed, you know he had to-” Annie starts, but clamps her mouth shut when Abed waves his hand in dismissal.

“Yeah. I know.” Abed sighs. “I have to talk to him.” It’s not a question, but a confirmation of her previous statement. Annie nods, and he looks at her picture in the feed. He misses her something fierce most days. Days like today. When he can’t do it all himself. 

“Just...clear the air. Try to hear things from his point of view.” Annie provides, her tone pitched upwards the way it does when she gives advice. “You don’t have to be in love with him. Just let him know that you’re here. Whenever-  _ if _ ever-” she corrects quickly. “You’re ready. Even just to be friends with him again.” Abed nods slowly, turning his head to look at his bedroom door. He can hear Lucas’s quiet snores, and he runs a hand through his hair. “I know it’s hard.” Annie says as he keeps staring at the door. “But it’s been four years. He  _ needs _ to know that at least one of us is still here for him. And we all know he’d prefer it if it was you.”

Abed nods again, finally pulling his eyes away from his bedroom. “Thanks, Annie.” he says, wiping at his face again. 

“You know I’ll always answer when you call.” Annie says with a sad smile. “Try to get some sleep, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.” Abed says, before saying goodnight and closing the video call. He pulls up his phone app and fishes a piece of paper out of the pocket of the hoodie he’s wearing. He stares at the number even though he doesn’t need to. He’s had this number memorized for eight years. He dials the number with a shaky thumb, and puts it to his ear.

“Abed-” Troy’s voice is scratchy and raw-sounding, and Abed tries not to think about it.

“One hour, Troy. I can give you one hour during my lunch break today. But that’s it. After that, things go back to how they were. They go back to normal.”

He hangs up before either of them have a chance to say anything else. He looks at the time, a little after 5, and sighs heavily. He lumbers back into his bedroom, setting his phone on the nightstand and falling into place next to Lucas, sighing a bit as he reaches over Abed’s waist and pulls him into his chest. 

_ What is he doing? _

—

Troy watches Abed leave the small shop and immediately drops his head down onto the tabletop, giving it a couple small smacks of his forehead, and groans. When he picks his head back up, he avoids the judgmental eyes of the girl behind the register and moves to leave, putting the address into his phone of the loft he’s supposed to go look at. 

Although his meeting with Abed went better than the worst outcome he could think of, it still wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear. He tries to shake off the negative and focus on the positive, despite how little there is.  _ Not never _ . “Not never” meant that there was still a chance, still a little bit of hope. 

He types multiple drafts to Jeff, a couple to Britta, and a particularly long one to Annie before deciding it’s not worth it. None of them are exactly going to be supportive of him wanting to get in the middle of this. He’s in his head the entire walk to the new loft, kicking himself for not bringing a pair of headphones to drown out the noise inside of his head and all around him. 

He almost misses the real estate agent calling his name as he approaches the building, and he suddenly remembers he has to actually be engaged for this, even though all he wants to do is be silent and alone. He fakes enough polite conversation to get him up the elevator and down the hall, not internalizing anything she’s saying about the area and the building’s amenities. He’ll figure that out on his own eventually. 

“And here we are, Mr. Barnes. Apartment 303.” The lady says, giving him a big smile and making a show of unlocking the door. Troy ignores the twinge in his chest at the number and forces a smile as he slides his shoes off and follows her inside. She’s talking to him about the place, giving her opinion, but Troy just floats room to room, trying to picture what it’d be like if he wasn’t alone in it. If a certain someone was with him looking at it. A certain someone who’s name was Abed. He shakes his head again as he rejoins her in the main living room. 

“It’s perfect. I’ll take it.” he says, giving her a smile. “When can I move in?” 

“Oh! Well, that was a quick decision.” she laughs. “Are you sure you don’t have any questions for me before you sign all the paperwork?” 

“No, no, this is just fine.” Troy says, looking out the large window to the balcony. He can almost see the Hollywood sign through the smog. “Really, I’m ready.” 

“Okay! Well I have the paperwork right here…” she starts, reaching in her purse for a stack of papers and leading him to the large kitchen island. He’s hardly listening to her as he signs his name on the indicated lines, only perking up when he hears that he can move in this week, once the payment goes through. 

He signs the last line and hands her back her pen. “Thank you for meeting me here on such short notice.” 

“Oh, of course honey, I had nothing else going on today.” she laughs, and pulls the keys out of her purse. “Welcome home.” 

Troy takes the keys from her gingerly and looks at the silver showing his reflection. The cool touch of the metal forces him to check back into his surroundings. “Thank you.” Troy gives her another smile, and shoves the keys in his pocket. Watching her leave out the front door, he takes another look around at the empty place, with its white walls and stainless steel appliances, and sighs as he pulls out his phone. He finds a stager and sets them up to come tomorrow morning to decorate his place, his head not all the way in it to go furniture shopping and decorate an entire penthouse. 

As he leaves and locks the door back, he stares up at the numbers on the door, matte black  _ 303 _ , and he can feel himself drifting back into his head. 

_ “Abed! Come on! We’re going to be late!” Troy yells from the bathroom, fixing his shirt in the mirror and straightening his tie.  _ _   
_ _ “Troy...” Abed whines quietly as he walks into the bathroom, fingers shaking as he tries to do his tie. Troy shushes him quietly and pulls his hands away before taking the bow tie in his own fingers.  _ _   
_ _ “Alright, you watch in the mirror while I do it, okay?” Troy says gently, shifting them a bit so Abed can see. Troy’s fingers dance over Abed’s collarbone. “Long over short, then under and over. Then one bunny ear…” he says, pushing the short end of the tie together. “Then the other bunny ear…” he says, smiling to himself. “And you pull the rest through the tunnel.” he finishes, straightening it for him and patting Abed’s chest. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?” He looks up to see Abed’s soft eyes gazing down at him, his fingers slowly coming to a stop as Troy rubs his arm.  _ __   
_ “No. Not so hard.” Abed repeats.  _ _   
_ __ “You’ll get it buddy. And if not, I’m always here to do it for you.” Troy smiles. “Alright. Ready to go?” Abed nods, and Troy drags them out the front door.

Troy’s only pulled out of a blissful memory when he trips over the doorstep to the hotel and about falls on his face. He rights himself quickly and looks around to make sure no one saw him (to his relief). He lumbers up to his hotel room and sits on the bed, looking around at the boxes once again lining the walls.  _ At least I don’t really have to pack again _ , he thinks to himself. 

—

When Abed walks back into his office after a long and tedious, he closes the door and sits down in his chair, flipping off the overhead lights on his way so the only thing lit was his desk lamp, unable to focus on much of anything.

He’s tempted to call Annie again, but as he clicks on her contact his thumb hovers. What is there to tell? He ate his lunch while Troy stumbled over his words, in that way he did when he was nervous and flustered that was so familiar to Abed, and then told him he wasn’t ready. That’s probably exactly how she was  _ expecting  _ that to go. So no need to bother her now, not while she’s at work. It could wait until Friday. 

The problem is, this was supposed to go back to normal. Abed was going to go back to his work and keep working on a new script to turn in at the end of the week, and he was going to go home to Lucas for noodles-for-dinner night, and he was going to slide in bed with Lucas and feel his body pressed against Abed’s, and it was going to go back to normal.

So why hasn’t Abed been able to stop thinking about Troy for the last two days? Why has Abed gone back to running simulations in his head, and daydreaming like a little kid what it would be like if Troy had never left? 

Why has Abed been wondering  _ what if… _ ?

He closes his eyes and counts upwards to ten and back to zero, just like Lucas taught him when they first met, to reset his brain. When it doesn’t work the first time, or the fifth time, or the tenth time, he gives up. He glances down at the bottom drawer of his desk, and cautiously slides it open, like he’s afraid something might pop out at him that he isn’t expecting. 

Nothing pops out physically, but Abed can see the corner of it. He pulls the metal picture frame gently out from under a pile of folders and documents, his fingers barely touching the edges of the frame.

The photo is from Shirley’s wedding, years ago now. Troy’s taken off his blazer and his vest, and Abed’s vest is on but undone. He’s got an arm around Troy’s neck, and his hand playfully in Troy’s hair. Troy’s arm is visible around Abed’s waist, gripping it tightly under his vest. Abed’s grinning down at Troy, who’s smiling directly at the camera like he’s in the middle of a laugh. 

Abed almost thinks he can feel Troy’s hand squeeze his waist gently, as if he’s saying  _ it’s okay, I’ve got you _ . But it’s not here. Troy isn’t here. And suddenly Abed is sick of it and he doesn’t want to spiral back into what life would be like with Troy and before he knows it he’s standing and holding the picture frame up above his head, and he’s breathing heavily. He can’t pinpoint if he’s angry, or sad, or something else. He’s confused. That’s what he is. 

His arm wavers a bit as he hears his phone go off on his desk, and he looks at it to see Lucas’s smiling face, the phone vibrating repeatedly as Abed stares at it. He lowers his arm, and everything in his mind is saying  _ answer the phone, he’s going to get worried, you should call him back, answer the phone Abed _ . 

But he doesn’t. He stares at it until it finally goes quiet again, and the only sound left is his pulse pounding in his ears. He looks back at the photo in his hand, and curses to himself quietly as he slides it back under the pile in his drawer, closing it a bit more aggressively than he intends. He falls back down into his chair, suddenly exhausted. He leans over to a small portable radio he has on his desk and turns the volume up slightly, barely enough to hear it playing faintly in the background. He sits there with his eyes closed until he can recognize every word in an entire song. It takes time, but eventually he does, and when he opens his eyes again it’s dark outside his window, and the facility outside his office is empty.

He sends Lucas a brief text, letting him know he’s on his way home, and leaves his office well after everyone else has left. The walk to his car is filled with nothing, thankfully for him. His brain has stopped running a million miles an hour for the first time all day, and the car ride home is spent in comfortable silence. 

When he walks in the door, he’s greeted by an overwhelming amount of scents and noises, and he really tries not to gag at it all when he walks inside. Lucas just peeks his head around the corner and gives him a smile, asking him something that Abed can’t register. He manages to mumble out a  _ be right back _ to him as he excuses himself to the bathroom.

He immediately turns on the tap, splashing his face excessively with the cold water, trying to shock himself out of whatever he’s going through currently. He can feel his throat constricting and his mouth salivating, and before he knows it he’s heaving over the toilet, nothing coming out. He eventually crumbles to the floor and manages to get his back against the wall so he can drop his head between his knees. 

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and turns his head to the side to see the screen.

He knows he should text Lucas. To tell him that it’s all too much and ask if he can clean it up and put it away and maybe they can try again tomorrow. He knows that Lucas will come in and turn off the lights and put a damp washcloth over his eyes and help him change out of his clothes and get him into bed. He knows that Lucas will understand, and will help him in any way he can.

He knows he should do that.

But instead he finds himself pressing the small phone icon on Troy’s contact and putting it to his ear, wincing at the ringing.

“Abed?” 

“I’m going into sensory overload.” Abed groans out. “I can’t stand up to turn the lights off.”

“Hey, hey, okay. It’s okay, Abed.” Troy’s voice drops down to a whisper. “I...well...I can’t do much from here. Can you...call Lucas?” he asks, and Abed ignores how pained Lucas’s name sounds coming out of Troy’s mouth. 

“I can’t talk any louder than this. Can you just stay here until I can get him?” Abed asks, dropping his head back down in between his knees and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Of course. Whatever you need.” Troy whispers.

“Thank you.” Abed whispers back. Troy doesn’t say anything, but Abed knows he’s nodding on the other end of the phone. That always was a bad habit of his. 

They sit quietly on the phone for a few minutes, as Abed tries to mimic Troy’s breathing, even and smooth. Eventually Abed speaks up again. 

“I’m gonna go get him.” he says, his voice croaking. 

“Okay.” Troy breathes out. 

“I’ll call you if I need you.” Abed says, and he can barely hear Troy say  _ okay _ before he hangs up and sends a text to Lucas.

Sure enough, in a moment’s time Lucas is there, turning the lights off and putting a damp wash cloth over his eyes. He strips Abed down to his underwear and helps him crawl in the bed, laying down a blanket for him to lay on so the sheets aren’t too scratchy. And he cleans up dinner and puts it away, and puts a gently kiss to his temple as he assures him it’s not a big deal, they’ll just try again tomorrow. He whispers to Abed in a soothing voice and turns everything off, shrouding the room in darkness. He does everything that’s always helped Abed in the past as long as they’ve been together.

So why doesn’t it help this time like it has every other time?


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> brief mention of alcohol abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy...  
> be happy, be safe, be well.  
> much love to you all <3

Abed doesn’t sleep. He doesn’t sleep really for the next three weeks. He gets a couple of sparing hours here and there, but nothing that gives him any real sense of peace or comfort. The first night he moves away from Lucas in bed, he staves off any questions by telling him it isn’t Lucas, it’s him, he’s done nothing wrong. And that’s true. But all of it feels...off. It's the only word Abed can bring to mind.

It’s three weeks after his little meltdown in the bathroom that Lucas sits him down in their living room, pausing Inspector Spacetime on the television to Abed’s dismay. 

“Can we talk?” Lucas asks gently, sitting on the ottoman across from Abed, their knees knocking.

_This is it. He’s ready to end it all, to call it quits. It got too weird and he’s going to back out. He never wanted any of this anyway._

“Yeah.” Abed says, setting his bowl of buttered noodles down on the side table and flipping his phone so the screen was facedown. Lucas clears his throat, sliding his palms back and forth on his jeans. It reminds him of Troy, but Abed just pushes his lips together harder. 

“I just got this... _incredible_ job offer, to star in a film with a bunch of big name actors, a supporting role.”

“Oh, wow…” Abed says, sighing a little. This was certainly not the worst outcome that could have happened. “That’s amazing, Lucas.” he smiles. 

“Yeah, yeah it is.” Lucas says, but he’s not smiling. It makes Abed's chest feel tight. “The only thing is, I have to go to London.” Oh _._ “For six months.” _Oh._ “I know that the wedding is supposed to be in a couple months, but-”

“You should take it.” Abed says, not even thinking about his response. “This is an incredible opportunity, and you should do it.”

Lucas sits up straighter, giving Abed a look he can’t quite place. “Do you- Are you serious? You’d be okay with that?” 

Abed gives a small shrug. “Of course. It’s your dream. I wouldn’t want you to _not_ follow your dream.”

_“You’d be okay? With me leaving?” Troy asks him that night, when they’re alone in his bedroom. The last night before he’s supposed to leave. To get on a boat and sail away for who knows how long. He’s throwing a ball against the opposite wall and catching it, something Abed suggested to him a while ago when he had a hard time getting through difficult conversations. “Because I’ll go back. I’ll tell them I won’t do it, and I’ll stay here-”_ _  
_ _“Of course.” Abed’s voice cracks slightly, and he hopes Troy doesn’t hear it. “It’s your dream. I can’t hold you back from that.”_ _  
_ _Troy catches the ball and looks at Abed with the biggest eyes Abed’s ever seen him give. “You know I love you, right, buddy?” That_ buddy _makes Abed’s chest hurt._ _  
_ _“I do know.”_

“...and we can get married as soon as I come back.” Lucas says, putting a hand on Abed’s knee. Abed shakes his head, focusing his eyes back on Lucas.

“Wait, what?” 

“I said that we can postpone the wedding, so that we can still do it with everyone we love, everyone we already invited. As soon as I get back, we’ll get married. And I’ll get to be Mr. Nadir, officially.” Lucas smiles, squeezing Abed’s knee. “You’re really okay with this? Because I can stay.” 

“No, no. I’ll be okay.” Abed says, faking a small smile. Lucas leans in and kisses Abed’s cheek before standing. 

“Maybe this will be a good time for you to fix things with Troy. And then you can have a friend that you can really _see_ , not video call once a week. After that talk we had, I think that would be good for you.” Lucas says as he picks up Abed’s empty bowl and takes it to the kitchen. Abed turns his head at the sound of Troy's name, like a reflex of something he doesn't want to hear, even though he hasn't stopped thinking about him since their meeting.

“Yeah. Maybe.” Abed says, not loud enough for Lucas to hear. He leans back against the couch and closes his eyes. He pops them back open. “Wait, when do you leave?” he yells. He can hear Lucas sigh.

“They’d prefer it if I left tonight. But I can tell them I need until tomorrow-”

“If you have to go tonight that’s okay. I can help you pack, if you want.” Abed offers, rising from the couch. 

Lucas nods, and his eyes are a little teary as Abed takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom. 

—

Their separation at the airport is emotional, outwardly for Lucas and inwardly for Abed. 

“If you need me, call me, I’ll come home-”

“You need to relax, babe.” Abed chuckles, looking down at Lucas’s hand in his. It looks alien. “I’ve been on my own before. I can take care of myself.”

“I know.” Lucas wipes his eyes with his free hand. “I’m gonna miss you, so much.”

“I’ll miss you, too.” Abed says, and Lucas pulls Abed’s hand up to his lips to kiss his knuckles. 

“I love you.”

Abed takes a breath in as he looks Lucas in the eyes, and somehow it feels repulsive in his mouth as the words come out. “I love you, too.”

Lucas looks at him again, and Abed doesn’t think when he reaches up with his thumb to catch some spare tears. 

_Abed squats down in front Troy in the blanket fort, resting a hand on Troy’s knee. He’s crying about his mom again. It’s been a really rough three months since she passed. Abed finds himself here a lot lately.  
_ _He reaches up to take the side of Troy’s face, using his thumb to swipe away the tears.  
_ “You’re the strongest person I know. This will all pass eventually.”  
_“I just wish she was_ here _, Abed.” Troy whimpers.  
_“I know.” Abed sighs, reaching his other hand up to hold Troy’s face, cupping his cheeks and thumbing away any stray tears. He can feel Troy drop his weight into his hands slightly. “But she’s always going to be right here.” He touches Troy’s chest, right on his heart. “Always.”

“You’re going to do great.” Abed says. “Have fun, really. This is an incredible opportunity. Try to enjoy yourself.” 

“I’ll call you?” Lucas asks, leaning into Abed’s hand. 

“Yeah.” Abed gives a small smile. He takes his hand away as Lucas turns to go, and watches his as he goes up the escalator to the terminal. 

And then he’s gone.

—

Two weeks after Troy moves into his new place, and three weeks after their phone call, he still hasn’t heard from Abed again. He knows he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up, that that wasn’t going to be a regular thing. But a tiny, selfish part of him wishes it was. That Abed would go back to needing him and _only_ him, but that’s not the way the world works. 

He’s sitting in his living room, staring at a huge flat screen playing Inspector Spacetime, but he’s not listening. If he’s being honest, he’s not even watching. He’s looking at it, but he’s not seeing it. He sighs as he looks at his phone to see no notifications, the same as it’s been for weeks. He opens up Jeff’s contact and presses his number, putting the phone to his ear. 

He’s hit with one ring, two rings, three rings before Jeff picks up the phone. 

“If you’re gonna keep calling me, can you at least do it when it’s not the middle of the night?” Jeff mumbles, saying sorry to someone as he moves around, and Troy hears a door close. He takes a look at the clock, 1:15 in the morning.

“My bad. I can let you go-”

“No, it’s fine. I wasn’t really sleeping anyways. Britta was laying all on top of me, it was like I could hardly breathe.”

“Oh.” Troy says, his voice picking up at the end in slight surprise. 

“Don’t.” Jeff stops him before Troy can even begin, and he just chuckles a bit. “So, what’s up, Troy. You’re not just calling for shits and giggles.”

The small smile on Troy’s face fades away as he bites his lip. He’s quiet for a beat before he answers, his voice small. “This is really hard, Jeff. Being alone.”

“Oh come on, you’ve lived alone before, it’s not that bad.” Jeff says, and Troy can hear him pour something. 

“I actually haven’t.” Troy says. “I was with my dad until I moved in with Pierce. And then it was Abed and Annie after that. And then it was on a boat with LeVar Burton for four years. I’ve never been alone like this before.” 

“Oh…” Jeff says, and there’s heavy silence on the line. “But that’s not exactly what you meant, is it?” he sighs.

Troy shrugs, and then remembers Jeff can’t see him. That was always his worst habit. “Not entirely, I guess.”

“Look, Troy, I told you-”

“I know.” Troy says, nodding and swallowing a little. “Doesn’t make it any easier, though.” he whispers. 

“I know.” Jeff whispers back. “You’ll get through it, though. You’re Troy Barnes. You sailed the world.”

“Yeah. That’s me.” Troy chuckles, wiping a stray tear from his eye. “Thanks, Jeff.”

“Anytime.” Jeff says. “Listen, I gotta let you go. Britta’s gonna start freaking out if I don’t go back to bed soon.”

“Yeah. Goodnight, Jeff.”

“Goodnight, Troy.”

—

Abed spends twenty minutes saying goodnight to Lucas the next night, after hearing about his first day, and his new place, and the set. 

When Lucas lets him go, he stares at himself on the screen. It’s the first night in three weeks he can’t see the bags under his eyes. He won’t admit what he’s thinking, because it’s almost too bad to say, but it seems obvious to him. 

He’s enjoying his time without Lucas more than he was expecting. He slept in til mid-morning after a complete night of sleep, free of the feeling of someone else weighing the bed down or wrapping their arm around him in a way that made him feel claustrophobic. The quiet of the apartment and the cleanliness of the kitchen kept his heart rate down, and the only scent was of the buttered noodles he made himself for dinner. He wrote the most pages for his script he’s written in over a month, and he’s even feeling up to have himself a movie night. Maybe even have a couple of drinks with it. 

He turns the lights off once the sun goes down, and goes into his closet and pulls out a box from the very back. When he opens it, the first thing he sees is a photo of the study group. He gives a small smile at the sight of his arms around Troy and Annie, Britta’s chin on his shoulder behind Annie, Jeff with his hand in his hair, and Shirley holding onto Troy’s hand as she leans on him. He really does miss them, even if they're not all as close as they once used to be.

He sets it gently on the floor and moves some other photos and posters out of the way to get to what he’s really looking for. He pulls out the soft Inspector Spacetime blanket from the bottom, and wraps it around his shoulders. He ignores the way it smells like Troy. He rubs the fleece material between his fingers as he walks back out to the kitchen, and pours himself a glass of whiskey before heading back over to the couch. 

Even though Abed doesn’t drink very often, he’s one of those people who doesn’t really flinch at the taste of alcohol. 

He doesn’t like to talk about it, because no one needs to know. He isn’t that guy anymore. 

Abed used to drink. A lot. Enough to warrant him to go to a few AA meetings and quit drinking. And he was sober, for a while, and then he went to Greendale. And Jeff needed his help and the only thing Abed could think of was getting drunk. He could blame it on the way he wished he could taste it on his tongue, or the way they taunted him, full bottles sitting on his shelf, untouched. But he swears to himself, up and down, that it _really_ was for the trope. 

And then he threw a kegger, and went to the transfer dance, and he won’t admit it to anyone but he was just barely drunk the whole time, not enough to raise suspicion but enough for his body to feel warm and face Troy. To tell him he didn’t want to live with him. _Because he was scared._

He didn’t drink again until Troy’s birthday, and after the disaster of a night that was, that ended with him alone in his dorm room, wishing Troy had been the one to hit on him, and wishing Troy was in his bed instead of some other guy in his phone, he stopped. He had fallen down a spiral he didn't expect to go down again, and after he kicked the guy out of his room, he took every remaining drop of alcohol out of his room and watched it spiral down the drain of the sink. Everything after that he faked. Because the taste of it made him sick. Not because he didn’t like it, he _loved_ it. But now alcohol tasted like wanting Troy, and he couldn’t do that. 

He told Lucas when they first started dating he rarely drank. He’d have a glass of red every now and again with dinner, and he secretly loved it when Lucas drank his whiskey and kissed him, because then it tasted like Lucas. It was just another way to get his fix. To keep it regulated.

But here he is, sitting in his blanket, having finished three glasses of whiskey by now, and it tastes like wanting Troy again. 

**_To: Troy_ ** _\- Can I come over?_

An almost instant reply. 

**_From: Troy_ ** _\- of course you can._

And an address. 

Abed downs the rest of his glass and shoves his shoes on as he gathers his keys and his wallet. He doesn’t give himself a chance to think any further. 

—

When Troy sees that text from Abed, he thinks his heart stops for a beat. He’s just sitting on his couch, blankly staring at the Food Network show on his television, when that text comes through. 

_**From: Abed** \- Can I come over? _

Troy doesn’t know in what context. He doesn’t know if something’s wrong, or if Abed needs him. But his answer wouldn’t change, no matter the context. 

_**To: Abed** -of course you can. _

His apartment is relatively clean but he still rushes around, making an effort to tidy up. He’s neatening a stack of magazines when he hears the knock on his door that makes his breath catch in his throat. 

He walks over slowly to the door, his hands shaking a bit as he turns the knob. 

“Hey, Abed.” 

Abed walks into him, pushing the door closed behind him with his foot as he grips Troy’s waist and backs him into the living room, until Troy falls to a seat on the arm of his couch, reaching up to hold Abed’s arms. 

“Abed, wha- Have you been drinking?” Troy asks, the faint smell of whisky hitting his nose. 

Abed’s hands don’t move from his waist. If anything, Troy feels them press slightly more into him. “Yes.” he says simply. 

“Why are you here?” Troy asks, and he tries not to think about any of the answers. None of them would really make him feel any better. 

“I missed you.” Abed says, his words slurring every-so-slightly. A beat of silence. “Lucas is gone.”

“Gone, what do you mean _gone_?” Troy asks, and that was an answer he wasn’t expecting. He can feel his heart rate pick up. 

“London. For six months. Postponed the wedding.” Abed tightens his grip on Troy’s waist even more. “You’ve got me all to yourself.” 

Troy stares up at Abed, his eyes flicking quickly between his dark eyes and his lips. Abed won’t look him in the eyes, and Troy knows he’s looking at his lips, too. 

“You don’t want to do this.” Troy whispers. This isn't Abed. He wouldn't do this, never. He loves Lucas...right?

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I saw you.” Abed whispers back, his voice getting deeper as he leans down. “I really think I do.”

And Troy’s brain short circuits.


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhh i was so excited to post this chapter you guys have no idea  
> be happy, be safe, be well. so much love to you all <3

Troy almost gives into temptation. 

He can feel Abed’s breath on his lips, his nose brushing against Troy’s, his fingers massaging into Troy’s waist. He’s standing between Troy’s legs, holding him in place where he’s seated, but he won’t close the gap. He won’t do anything Troy doesn’t want, he knows that. 

It would be so easy. For Troy to reach up and grab Abed’s face, and find out what it feels like to  _ really _ kiss him, to feel his teeth bite Troy’s bottom lip and his fingers run around Troy’s body. For Troy to lace his fingers up in Abed’s hair and pull him as close as he possibly can and forget about everything else. 

He almost does it. 

“Abed…” Troy whispers, his eyes closed. “You know we can’t do this.” 

Abed stands up straight, and Troy shivers a little as he feels Abed’s fingers leave his hips under his shirt, and everything in Troy’s body is screaming at him, calling him stupid, telling him to take it back. But he won’t. 

“Why not, Troy?” Abed asks, and Troy reaches out to grab his wrist as he trips on his own foot trying to walk backwards. 

“Because you’re drunk, and engaged, and if you woke up tomorrow morning you’d hate yourself for it.”  _ And because I don’t want you like this.  _

“You don’t know that. I  _ chose _ to come here.” Abed says, swaying slightly as he stands. His hair is a mess and his face is flushed and he keeps licking his lips instead of using his chapstick, and it all hits Troy at once. 

He hasn’t seen him like this since the time him and Jeff got drunk together. And it makes his heart hurt because Abed had been doing so  _ well _ before he left, and something happened that he thought he needed to do this. 

“Abed, can you please come sit down? You’re making me nervous.” Troy says, trying to pull Abed towards him as he stands up, but Abed pulls his hand away. 

“I don’t need you to take  _ care  _ of me.” Abed sneers. He turns abruptly towards Troy’s kitchen and Troy sprints to get ahead of him before he gets into the liquor cabinet. “I just want one more drink.” Abed whines. 

“Come on, Abed, just go sit down for me, alright?” Troy says, but as he puts his hands on Abed’s shoulders Abed pins him against the counter, putting a hand on either side of him, locking him in. He leans in again, this time to Troy’s ear. 

“I need this, Troy.” 

Troy can feel Abed’s hair tickle the side of his face and his neck as Abed drops his forehead onto Troy’s shoulder. Then he feels the tears, and Abed’s arms wrapping around his waist. 

“Hey, hey, hey, shh. It’s  _ okay _ , Abed.” Troy says, wrapping his arms around him. “You’re gonna be okay.” He isn’t used to being the one to comfort Abed. Abed doesn’t need comforting because Abed doesn’t cry. 

Except that he’s here and crying into Troy’s shoulder, more drunk than he’s been in who knows how long, and it’s like Troy can see him crumbling. 

“I’m so confused, Troy.” Abed whimpers. 

Troy doesn’t ask what he means. He’s pretty sure he already knows. 

—

Abed wakes up in the morning with a splitting headache, a sore abdomen, and a smell he knows but can’t place quite this minute. He feels around him blindly to figure out he’s most likely in a bed so big it makes him feel like he’s swimming in it, a comforter pulled up to his nose, and that _smell._

He screws his face up and risks opening one eye, and his suspicion is confirmed. He’s not in his own bedroom, or in his own bed, or in his own apartment. He groans slightly as he pushes the comforter down, to his waist and pats his bare stomach. 

His  _ bare _ stomach. He pops both eyes open and checks under the covers, and sighs a little at the sight of a pair of sweat shorts. But then his anxiety picks up again because he doesn’t  _ think _ he left his house in sweat shorts. 

He sits up slightly, looking around. There’s a bottle of Advil and a large bottle of water on the nightstand to his right, closest to the door. He cautiously slides to the edge of the bed, swinging his legs out and putting his feet on the floor, pleasantly surprised by the warmth radiating from it. 

He pads quietly out of the bedroom, and stops when he hears quiet snores coming from the couch. He tiptoes over to find Troy sleeping, curled into a small ball with a blanket pulled tightly around him. Abed accidentally hits the corner table with his hip, causing Troy to jolt up. 

“What- Oh...good morning.” Troy says, rubbing a hand over his face as he stifles a yawn. 

“Hi.” Abed winces, holding his hip. 

“Did you, uh, see your medicine?” Troy asks through a big yawn, his previous attempt at stopping it having failed. 

“I saw it, yeah.” Abed asks, suddenly feeling very awkward. “Um. Did- Did we…” Abed gestures awkwardly between himself and Troy. 

“No.” Troy says quietly. Troy puts on his thinking face, Abed recognizes, and shakes his head. “Just, uh, put you to bed.” 

“What aren’t you telling me?” Abed asks, suddenly very focused on Troy. 

“Nothing.” Troy shrugs. 

“Lie.”

“No.”

“Tell me.”

“No, Abed, forget about it.”

“ _ Tell _ me.” Abed raises his voice. 

“You wanted to fuck and I told you no, okay? Happy?” Troy raises his voice back at him. “I was trying to save you the embarrassment of thinking about  _ cheating _ on your  _ fiancé _ .” 

Abed stands silently, and drops his head down to his chest, running his hands through his hair. “Okay.” 

Troy stands up and brushes Abed’s shoulder as he walks past him, and Abed can hear him open the fridge and open a bottle. 

“You should probably go.” Troy says after a while. “Your phone has been going off like crazy. I’m sure he’s wondering where you are.”

“I don’t care.” Abed says, turning around to face Troy before sitting on the arm of the couch. 

“Where is all this coming from, Abed? A month ago you wanted nothing to do with me and now you show up, and you want…” Troy braces himself on the counter and drops his head down. 

Abed nods and swallows heavily. His head is pounding right now, and he can hardly think. 

“I was fine. Until you showed up.” Abed says, but he doesn’t mean it maliciously. “And now...I think I’m tempted to fall back into comfort. And what I know. Because I don’t  _ know  _ what’s coming next, but I know what life with you is like.” Abed looks up to see Troy looking at him, his eyes sad. “I’d be lying, if I said I hadn’t thought about it while you were gone. But then Lucas came along, and I didn’t think about it anymore.” He rubs at his eyes. “And now you’re  _ here _ again, and I’m confusing the new me with the old me. And I don’t know what I want.” 

Troy doesn’t say anything, not that Abed was expecting him to. 

“Look, I’ll just leave. Where are my clothes?”

“On the dryer.” Troy points down the hallway, voice quiet. He won’t look at Abed anymore. 

Abed walks down the hall and sees the washer and dryer, his clothes folded neatly on top. He sighs as he grabs them and goes into the bathroom next to it, closing the door gently. He looks at himself in the mirror, and he feels like he’s staring at someone he doesn’t know. 

Yes, it’s his face, but it’s  _ not _ . His eyes don’t look like they line up on his face right, and the scar on the bridge of his nose looks like it stands out more than normal. His lips are chapped and dry, and when he sticks out his tongue to run over them, it looks like somebody else mimicking him instead of it  _ actually _ being him. His hair is messy in a way he wouldn’t normally make it, falling down into his eyes and curly, not put up with Nothing about him looks right. And that’s probably the case because he doesn’t  _ feel _ right. 

He pulls his eyes away from the mirror and changes into his own clothes, joggers that only barely sit on his hips the right way, and a sweatshirt he knows doesn’t belong to him, not really, anyway. The  _ Riverside High Football  _ has long since faded from its prominence, the letters peeling slightly. 

He walks back out, Troy’s shorts folded in his hand. He sets them on the counter in front of Troy, but neither of them say anything. 

“This isn’t fair.” Troy says eventually, and he sounds  _ tired _ . It makes the guilt in Abed’s chest tighten. 

“I know.” Abed says, trying to sympathize. 

“No, you don’t.” Troy says wearily, and he leaves the kitchen and plops himself back down on the couch, his head laid back and his eyes closed. He’s tapping out to five on his fingers, back and forth. Abed recognizes it right away. 

_ “Alright Troy, it’s okay. Just go like this-” Abed holds up his hand and places it on Troy’s knee. It’s hard to keep it still with all of Troy’s shaking. He starts with his thumb, and taps each finger gently until he gets to his pinky, counting out quietly. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.” _

_ “1, 2, 3, 4, 5...5, 4, 3, 2, 1.” Troy gets out through shaky breaths.  _

_ “Good job, Troy. Keep going.” _

“Then explain it to me.” Abed says gently, resting his elbows on his knees and propping his chin in his hands. 

Troy lets out a sigh that Abed thinks might be one of frustration, but Troy’s face doesn’t change, so he can’t tell. 

“It’s not fair that I  _ know _ what I want, and Lucas  _ knows _ what he wants, but you  _ don’t _ , so you’re making both of us suffer without us even knowing. Or at least him. And you don’t seem to care at all, that there are two people in this world who are in love with you, and want to be with you, and you  _ don’t know what you want _ .” Troy says, taking deep breaths in between each sentence. “And please don’t tell me that you knew what you were doing, when you came here last night. Because you didn’t. And...and it really hurt me, Abed. Because if I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought that you really wanted me.” His voice wavers slightly. “But you were just lonely and wanted a quick fuck.” He whispers. 

“That’s not true-”

“No, it is.” Troy says, and his fingers are moving quicker now, he’s trying to stay calm. “And if that actually  _ had _ happened, you’d wake up and you’d  _ hate  _ me. ‘Why didn’t you know better, Troy? Why did you let me do this, Troy? This is all your fault,  _ Troy _ .’” Abed hates the way he pitches his voice up to imitate him, not because he’s mocking him, but because he’s  _ right _ . 

Since when did Troy know everything?

“But I did know better. And you got mad at me, and you did and said some stuff you wouldn’t be proud of, and I let it happen because it’s better this way than the alternative.” 

Abed stares at him, watches his fingers slow down against his chest until they stop, and the silence in the room is deafening. 

“You did the right thing.” Abed says, even though his throat is tight. 

“I know I did.”

Abed sits uncomfortably for a few more minutes before standing. 

“I want to make it up to you. Whenever you’re ready.” He sighs as he picks up his keys and wallet from the bowl on the counter, presumably where Troy put them. “You know how to reach me.” 

Troy doesn’t answer, just hears the front door slam shut. 

—

Troy really tries not to cry. He promises. But as soon as the door closes it all comes out of him at once, and this hurts more than anything. It hurts more than his mom, it hurts more than leaving Greendale, it hurts more than getting the door slammed in his face after he confessed how he felt. 

It hurts more, because he knows Abed wants it, too. At least a small part of him does. 

And Troy can’t have it. 

It keeps playing over in his mind. Abed’s hands on him, and his lips so close to Troy he could feel his breath, and the way he whispered in Troy’s ear, even the mean things he said. 

He knows he made the right call, just putting Abed to bed and sleeping on the couch, ignoring the way Abed’s phone kept going off, texts and calls from his fiancé. He knows that if anything had actually happened it would have ruined everything, and Abed would blame him, even if it wasn’t his fault. 

He knows all of this, and he still wishes he hadn’t. 

He wishes he had been selfish, and shown Abed every reason he should leave Lucas for him, make him forget Lucas even existed, show him  _ exactly _ how he feels about him. He wishes he could have let go of his stupid moral code for  _ one _ night and indulge the side of him that wanted to do whatever he pleased. 

But if he had, Abed wouldn’t be waiting for him to text him. To let him know they’re okay, that they can try to be friends. To move past this. 

It’s the next morning when Troy texts him. 

**_To: Abed_ ** _ \- i’m ready. _

**_From: Abed_ ** _ \- I’ll pick you up tonight. 8:00. _

They both spend the entire day wondering where exactly they go from here. 


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn sorry for the wait y'all  
> be happy, be safe, be well. much love to you as always

“Just breathe. He’s your best friend, you’ve known him for years. This is all going to be fine.” Abed whispers to himself, taking a deep breath before knocking on Troy’s door. He slides his hands on his pants, palms clammy with anticipation. 

When Troy opens the door, Abed is expecting his smile to be met with one of Troy’s own, but instead he’s met with a straight face. He drops the smile and tilts his head to the side. 

“What’s wrong?”

“We have to talk. Before we go.” Troy says, and he moves back to let Abed into his apartment. Abed steps inside cautiously and toes off his shoes, placing them neatly against the wall. He eyes Troy warily as he sits in one of the barstools, Troy opposite him at the island. 

“I thought you said you were okay.” Abed says. 

“I said I was ready to talk. That’s different than being okay.” Troy says, and Abed can’t help but take note of his composure in this moment. 

He’s certainly grown. 

“So what’s the problem?”

Troy furrows his brow a bit, in a way that reminds Abed of when they first met. Except that look of confusion is directed at him, not Jeff. Or Britta. Or Annie. For the first time in probably their entire relationship, Troy didn’t understand him. He _always_ understood him. 

That kind of hurts. 

“You don’t understand why I’m upset, do you?” 

“I don’t.” Abed says plainly. “You said you were okay-”

“Ready. Not okay. Those are two different things, Abed.” Troy says, and he’s tapping quietly on the counter. 

“So explain it to me.” 

“Alright, first. I need you to stop saying that to me.” Troy says, and even though his fingers pick up pace, he keeps his voice even. “When you say that to me, it makes me feel like you don’t think I’m capable enough to explain my own feelings. I don’t need your permission to express myself.” Troy takes a brief pause to look at him, and it sends a shiver down Abed’s spine. “Second, and I don’t like saying this, because it’s not always necessarily a bad thing, but you can be... _really_ selfish, sometimes.” 

“That’s not-”

“Let me finish.” Troy says quickly, and Abed snaps his mouth back shut. “It was never a huge thing, but do you remember your whole thing with celebrity impersonators? That was _selfish_ , Abed. You put all of us under a lot of stress for that, and it didn’t even phase you. And when we apologized, and ‘made up’,” Troy puts in quotations with his fingers, “You did the same thing you did yesterday. You pouted, and left.”

Abed raises a finger slightly like he wants to speak, and Troy waves his hand as an invitation. “I wasn’t pouting. I was upset because you didn’t want me to do what I wanted to do.”

“I didn’t want you to continue to put yourself in danger and in debt.” Troy retorts. “That’s different. And I didn’t say you had to stop doing what you wanted to do, but you had to scale back. That’s called making a compromise. Something you weren’t really all that good with when we were in college.” Abed sighs a bit through his nose, but he keeps his mouth shut. “What you did last night was selfish. Because you were lonely, and you were willing, either knowingly or subconsciously, to take advantage of me and my feelings.” Troy swallows. “I want to be friends, Abed, I do. But I can’t do this, if you’re going to keep toeing the line between just being friends and wanting something more. I can’t do that.”

Abed sits still for a long while, staring at a spot of marble on the island. Troy’s grown up now. A real adult. Not a stuttering, stumbling kid.

_How am I supposed to know what I want when I don’t even know who I_ am _anymore?_

“Abed? Still there?” Troy asks, and his voice sounds far away even though he’s standing right here. 

_What do I do if I can’t figure out a way to have him stay?_

He can hear Troy set a bottle of water down by his hand, and the droplets from the condensation mix with the marble lines Abed’s staring at, blowing it up and distorting it. Kind of how he feels right now. 

“Abed?”

He looks up, and Troy looks _scared_. “I’m sorry. For what I did.” Abed says, taking the water gently in his hand and cracking the top open, taking in the immediate shock of cold to his lips and tongue. Some kind of feeling. 

“I need to know that you understand where I’m coming from. That this isn’t another pillows and blankets war, or celebrity impersonator game, or another one of those times where I said sorry and you didn’t really have to say it back.” 

Abed nods. “I really am sorry, Troy.”

Troy looks him in the eyes, and Abed thinks he might just crack under his gaze. “Okay. I believe you.” Troy sighs. “Thank you for your apology.” Abed nods back at him and takes another sip of water. “Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, what did you want to do tonight?”

Except Abed can’t remember, because he feels like his head is underwater. He doesn’t want to freak out again, because he’s done that too much in recent days and he’d really rather not do it again. He just looks at Troy, and he wants everything to be okay, and to be clear in his head, but Troy is reaching over and he can feel his thumb wipe under his eyes, and he’s _crying_.

“Can we just stay here?” Abed asks quietly. “I don’t feel like going out anymore.”

Troy nods, and Abed follows him to the living room, sitting on the couch and pulling his knees into his chest. Troy turns on Inspector Spacetime, and he says something to Abed about being right back, and Abed stares at the television with glassy eyes. 

He’s seen this episode a million times before, but he can’t remember what happens. So he takes some deep breaths and just tries to watch, not predict, and then he feels Troy drop something onto his chest gently, and the firm weight acts almost counterintuitively and Abed feels like he can breathe again. 

“Stay under it as long as you want. I’m gonna grab us some snacks.” Troy says, rubbing Abed’s shoulder gently. When he comes back he hands Abed a box of Milk Duds, and sets down a bowl full of popcorn between them. 

They sit quietly like that for a long time, and before Abed knows it he’s drifting off, under the weighted blanket in the dim lights listening to Troy’s quiet breathing, even and low. 

And it all feels right. 

—

Troy sits as still as he can when he feels Abed’s head slump onto his shoulder. He’s been asleep for a little while now, Troy could hear his quiet snores before, so this wasn’t intentional. It was bound to happen at some point. 

He wants to wrap his arm around him and pull him into his chest, maybe lay both of them flat on the couch and sleep there for the night. He wants to put a gentle kiss to Abed’s temple and rub his back and let him know it’s all gonna be okay. 

But Troy made his choice. 

Friends or nothing at all. 

He knows he made the right choice, talking to Abed. That this whole thing would have been too hard if it had been some flirtatious, will-they-won’t-they scenario. Not that he _needs_ the approval, but _Jeff_ certainly would have agreed with his choice. 

Doing the right thing fucking sucks. 

When the episode ends, Troy turns the television off and starts weaseling his way out from under Abed, trying hard not to wake him, but he’s unsuccessful. 

“Are you going to bed?” Abed asks quietly, moving off of Troy and pushing the weighted blanket down to his lap. 

“Yeah, yeah I was.” Troy says, standing awkwardly. 

“I can go-” Abed starts, but Troy cuts him off. He looks at the clock behind Abed’s head. 1:03 A.M.

“You know what, it’s really late. You can just stay here. I’ve got a couple of guest rooms,” he points down the hall. “If you want to stay in one of those. I can grab you something to wear?”

“I’ll just sleep in my boxers. Thanks, though.” Abed yawns, and Troy follows his gaze as he looks out the window. It’s raining, the lights from the street making the large windows look like a distorted vision of the city. “Hasn’t rained in months.” Abed says sleepily. “Goodnight, Troy.”

“Goodnight, Abed.”

Troy starts to pick up the snacks as Abed walks down the hall, but stops when Abed speaks up again.

“If you have guest rooms, why did you sleep on the couch and put me in your room?” Abed asks. 

Troy swallows. “Closest place to put you. Then I, uh, watched TV. Fell asleep.” 

Abed looks at him a moment, then nods and heads into one of the bedrooms. 

Troy can’t tell Abed it was really because he wanted his sheets to smell like him, just for a little bit. Or that he wanted to be close enough to be there in an instant if Abed needed him. He pushes that out of his head as he puts the trash away and folds up the blankets. 

—

It’s the loud bang that wakes him. 

Troy’s sweating, and panting, and he’s kicked his blankets down to the edge of the bed, halfway onto the floor. He scrambles to a seated position as he looks around him, rain pounding against the windows. His digital clock is blinking at 00:00, and he swears under his breath. Another long rumble of thunder, and the bright flash of lightning accompanied with another big bang makes him throw his hands to his ears and tuck his head between his knees. 

“There’s no pirates, there’s no pirates, there’s no pirates.” he whispers to himself, and he _hates_ nights like these. Nights when he can’t escape the memory of being captured, of slipping on the deck as the rain poured around him, his hands behind his back, his eyes covered. Every clap of thunder sends him further and further down the rabbit hole, until he hears a knock. He snaps his head up to see Abed in his doorway. 

“Troy?” Abed's voice wavers.

“Y-yeah...It’s- I’m okay, are you okay?” Troy asks, and he can see Abed shaking in the shadows even if he can’t see his face. 

Troy used to love thunderstorms. He used to help Abed get through them in Colorado, distracting him with games and stories and anything else he could think of. He remembers one time they tried to make origami, but his paper came out looking more like a crumpled ball. They used to play like children during thunderstorms. 

Not anymore. 

“Power’s out.” Is all Abed says. Troy nods. “Can I…” 

Troy rubs a hand down his chest, slick with sweat, and nods. “Let me just...I’ll be back in a second, just go ahead.” Troy says as he gets out of bed and walks into his bathroom directly in front of him. He closes the door and digs through his drawers until he finds his flashlight and turns it on. 

He reaches for his towel and runs the edge of it under the sink, wiping his face and then his torso, trying to get the sweat off of himself. He refuses to look at himself in the mirror, afraid to see just how petrified he looks. 

He thought he was over this by now. It’s been almost four years. 

After he dries himself off he turns the light off and goes back into the bedroom, where Abed’s already laying down in his bed, blanket pulled up under his chin. 

Troy slides in carefully on his side of the bed, and squeezes his eyes shut as another round of thunder and lightning roll through. And then he feels it. 

Abed’s pinky, reaching gently for Troy’s own. Troy gives a shaky breath as he locks them together, and Abed slides in closer. 

“It’ll be okay.” Troy says out loud, more for himself than anything. “It’ll all be over soon.”

“I hope so.” Abed whispers. 

—

Troy only falls asleep when Abed rolls over in his sleep and drapes an arm across him. 

Like a silent reassurance.


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall really pulled through with the hits on that last one...let's keep that same energy  
> be happy, be safe, be well. much love to you all <3

Nights over at Troy’s became a regular thing.

Over the course of the next three and a half months, Abed found himself spending more time there than anywhere else. Once-a-week movie nights had turned into Friday and Saturday night video games had turned into taking turns making dinner during the week. He was barely at his own house anymore, except to occasionally use his own shower and get a fresh change of clothes.

In turn, that means he spent less time on the phone with Lucas. He hadn’t thought much about it, truthfully. Lucas had been busy filming and the time difference between them was making it increasingly more difficult to catch each other. They had settled on brief phone calls and occasional texts almost a month after he left for London. And Abed had been okay with that arrangement. 

It was nice, honestly, to be spending time with Troy again. His unrelenting dismissal of him for so long prevented him from realizing how much he really just _missed_ him while he was gone. But now things were practically back to how they were five years ago.

They played video games til early in the morning and almost always ended up asleep on the living room floor, surrounded by snacks and pillows and blankets, despite their age (and the inevitability of their backs aching in the morning). Dinner nights were simple and homey, and they ended up ordering in half the time anyways, having unsuccessfully tried to cook or just been purely too lazy to be bothered even trying. Every now and again Troy would whip together something he had learned overseas (to Abed’s surprising delight, he ended up enjoying most of the meals Troy made), but most of the time they were fine eating buttered noodles and rice.

It was becoming normal, spending all of his time with Troy. He was really enjoying himself, and _feeling_ like himself, for the first time in a long time, as scary as it was to admit. 

Until Lucas texted him. And told him he had to call him, it was urgent, whenever he was available. 

So when Abed sits down on Friday night in his own apartment, cold and dark from having spent so many nights in a row at Troy’s, he feels a sense of _dread_. He wasn’t expecting to have to talk to him. He waits impatiently for the call to come through on his laptop, and he hits the accept button with a shaky finger.

“Hey.” he says, trying to put a small smile on his face, but Lucas’s stoneface makes it difficult. “How’s London?”

“We can skip all that, Abed.” Lucas says, and Abed watches his eyes look over the camera, as if there’s someone in front of him out of Abed’s view. Abed stays quiet as he waits for Lucas to speak again. “We have to talk about Troy.”

“What about Troy?” Abed says, and he forgets to check his defensive tone, and Lucas takes notice.

“Well. You’ve been spending a lot of time at his place lately.” Lucas says, and Abed raises an eyebrow.

“We’ve been hanging out...Hold on, how do you know how much time I’ve been spending there, anyways?” he leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees.

“I’ve been watching your location.” Lucas says hesitantly.

“You’ve been _what_?” Abed asks, anger boiling up inside of him. “You can’t be serious. I’m not a child needing supervision, Lucas.”

“You said you’d been getting closer with Troy since I left, so I checked. And every time I opened it to see where you were, you were at what I’m _assuming_ is his place. You’re practically never home.” Lucas says, and his eyes look frazzled, worried, but his tone stays calm.

“Aside from that being a _huge_ invasion of my privacy, what does it matter to you that I’ve been spending time there? You told me before you left you wanted me to reconcile things with Troy, and that’s what I’ve done. I’m not sure why I’m under interrogation here, he’s my best friend.” Abed says, and his hands are shaking with rage.

Lucas takes in a shaky breath and won’t look at the camera. Won’t look at Abed. His eyes keep darting up over the camera, at whatever’s in front of him. _Whoever_ is in front of him.

“Do I need to be worried?” he asks, wringing his hands. Abed scoffs.

“You’re fucking kidding.” 

“I’m not.” Lucas snaps, and now he’s looking. “I’ve thought about coming home. I’m…”

“What? Jealous? Insecure?” Abed says, and he knows both of things are hurtful, but he doesn’t care. What makes him angry is the lack of trust between him and his fiancé, his significant other of four years. “You seriously don’t trust me? Lucas, we’ve been together _four years_. We’re _engaged_ , supposed to be getting _married_ in a couple months.” 

“You still haven’t even answered my question!” Lucas yells. Abed laughs, and he can see the look on Lucas’s face change to that of pure anger.

“This is fucking ridiculous. The fact that you don’t even trust me. You don’t act like this when I talk to Annie. Or when Jeff comes to visit. What’s the difference with Troy?”

“Because it’s written all over him. And _you_.” Lucas spits. “I’m not blind. I’m not stupid. Something happened there, before he left.”

“He’s my best friend, Lucas!” Abed yells. He closes his eyes and counts himself to ten, his breathing becoming only slightly calmer. He clears his throat and checks his tone. “If you’re going to be this jealous and upset over the fact that I’m close with someone else, a _man_ , other than you, then maybe you’re not as ready to get married as you think you are.” Abed says, fiddling with the ring on his finger. 

“Yeah.” Lucas says, staring at him directly now. “Maybe I’m not.”

Abed looks at him, lips pursed tightly, and gives a curt nod. He pulls the ring off his finger, well in view of Lucas, and ignores the look of shock on his face. 

And then he hangs up.

—

Abed lets himself into Troy’s place like he’s been doing the past couple of months, but Troy can tell by the way he kicks his shoes off without lining the toes of them up against the wall that something is _really_ off. And then he sees it.

The ring.

Well, lack thereof.

“I think the wedding might be off.” Abed says as he walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge behind Troy. “Do you have any chocolate milk?”

“Top...shelf, did you just say the _wedding_ is off?” Troy says, spinning around to face Abed, trying hard to ignore the way his heart is racing or the way his fingers want to dance excitedly on his thighs. 

“Yeah. This is expired, can you pick some up the next time you go to the store?” Abed asks, putting the carton back down and shoving it to the back, grabbing a water bottle from the door instead, cracking it open and taking a long sip.

“Abed, why are you so _calm_ about this?”

Abed turns to face him abruptly. “I’m not, Troy. If I’m being honest, I’m spiraling on the inside, and I really want to drown myself in a bottle of whiskey right now, but I don’t want to drink again, so here we are. I want to spend time with you instead, so why don’t we just turn on a movie and get some snacks and maybe I’ll talk more about it later. Okay?” Abed says, and Troy knows he’s not really asking. Instead he goes to the pantry and grabs a bag of popcorn and pours it into a bowl and brings it into the living room, where Abed has already turned on Star Wars.

He’s skipping ahead to the part he likes, disregarding the first half hour of the movie or so. He’s staring so intently at the screen it makes Troy feel invisible, watching the small dot move along the bottom.

When he finds the scene he’s looking for, he falls back against the couch, his arm flush with Troy’s. 

—

When the first movie is over, and they’re halfway through the next one, Troy’s breath hitches.

Abed’s hand had moved sometime during the first movie to rest above Troy’s knee, and Troy thought he was going to go lightheaded from that touch alone. But _now_ , Abed’s hand is moving up, up, _up_ , and Troy’s mind is racing a thousand miles an hour. 

_You can stop it whenever you want. You told him, friends or nothing. You know, yeah, his fingers feel_ really _good moving like that, but_ oh _-_

Abed’s lip barely touch his neck. “Do you want me to stop?” he whispers.

Troy sits stock still, his hand now on Abed’s thigh, gripping it slightly. Mostly to ground himself. He thinks he might just collapse from how fast everything is moving in his brain and in his chest.

_He said it himself, he thinks the wedding is off. And this isn’t like last time. He’s sober, and he’s_ here _, not trying to fix things with Lucas. He came here and he chose_ you _…_

“No.” Troy breathes out, and it all happens at once.

It all feels just as good as he thought it would. Abed’s lips sliding under his jaw and his teeth nipping gently at the skin there, his fingers sliding up under Troy’s shirt and raking his sides with his nails, his knee shoving Troy’s legs apart as he pushes Troy onto his back. 

Troy can’t help but tangle his fingers in Abed’s hair, and he lets out a small noise at the way Abed mumbles out a deep _fuck_ under his breath.

What feels the best, though, isn’t any of this.

What feels best to Troy is the fact that he doesn’t have to wonder anymore. That he doesn’t have to imagine what this is like. That the small voice in the back of his head that’s been nagging him for months to _just do it, give into it_ , can _finally_ shut the fuck up. He’ll finally have some peace and quiet in his own mind again. 

“Abed…” he breathes out, whining quietly.

“I know.” Abed says back, and _finally_ his lips are on Troy’s, and all of those cliches about feeling sparks when it’s with the right person suddenly make sense to Troy. His chest is on fire, and everything in his body feels like it’s tingling, and there’s no other word to explain it than it just feels _right_. So much better than his daydreams. 

“Off, off-” Abed mumbles, breaking away from Troy as he pulls his shirt over his head, and Troy finds himself pulling up on the hem of Abed’s shirt, and soon he can feel Abed’s chest on his and he’s afraid Abed will feel his heart pounding. 

He’s becoming increasingly worried Abed might feel something else, too. But any thought he had in his head is gone the instant Abed shifts his hips down, and the only thing left in Troy is a moan he tries to swallow. “A-Abed, I-”

He doesn’t get to finish when Abed stands abruptly, pulling Troy up to a seated position and sliding his hands under his thighs, hoisting him up to wrap his legs around Abed’s waist. He’s leaving a trail of hickeys down Abed’s neck as he carries both of them to Troy’s bedroom, and he immediately starts working his pants off when he puts Troy on the bed. 

He pulls Troy’s shorts off with a swiftness Troy doesn’t have time to admire or ponder, and the next thing Troy feels is Abed’s mouth around him, and his fingers wound tightly in Abed’s hair. He moves Abed’s head gently up and down, and he can hardly keep in the noises rising up in the back of his throat as Abed swirls his tongue and takes him deeper in his mouth. “ _Fuck_ , Abed.” he groans out, and his effort to move his hips up is effectively stopped by the weight of Abed’s palms pushing down into him. 

“I figured we would.” Abed says when he pulls off of Troy with a slight pop, and wipes the corner of his mouth with his thumb. He leans over to be above Troy, laces their fingers together, and puts one hand over Troy’s head. He kisses his right cheek, then his left, then his forehead and nose, and then all over his face until Troy is giggling breathlessly. “Do you want to keep going?” Abed whispers, resting his forehead against Troy’s, eyes closed. 

“Do you?” Troy asks, voice equally as quiet. “I don’t want you to regret this.” He tilts his chin up to press a gentle kiss to the corner of Abed’s mouth. 

“I won’t.” Abed whispers, and he puts his face in the crook of Troy’s neck, breathing deeply. Troy wraps his free arm around Abed’s shoulders, dragging his fingers gently back and forth over his shoulder blade. 

“Are you going to be okay?” Troy asks, and he’s scared to hear the answer.

“I’m sure I will be. Let’s not talk about that right now, though, okay?” Abed whispers, and if Troy didn’t know him so well, he would have missed the waver in his voice. “I don’t want to think about that...or him, right now.” He pushes himself up to look down at Troy, and Troy doesn’t think he’s ever seen him look so vulnerable. “I just want to think about you.” 

Troy nods gently, and he props himself up on his elbows to rest their foreheads against each other. “Got me all to yourself. Always have.” He moves to kiss down Abed’s neck again, and soon that fervent heat of the moment is back, and Troy can hardly keep up with everything. He’s almost certain he blacks out from pure pleasure when Abed slides in him.

—

Abed wakes up to the sound of Troy’s phone buzzing, and from Troy’s sudden yell of frustration it isn’t the first time it’s gone off. He’s out of the bed (with a small wince he fails to keep quiet enough) before Abed even has a chance to sit all the way up and admire what he looks like.

“What the _fuck_ \- oh, Annie, fuck I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Okay, I’m sorry, alright, stop yelling.” Troy says, and he looks back at Abed and mouths a _sorry_ , and Abed can hear how loud she is from his place in the bed. He falls back onto his back and groans into his hands. She’s almost certainly looking for him, seeing as he left his phone in his own apartment after his argument with Lucas. “Where’s Abed?” Troy asks, looking at Abed with wide eyes. Abed immediately moves his hand back and forth in front of his neck, a very clear _I-want-nothing-to-do-with-that_ look, then points outside, hoping Troy understands what he’s getting at. “He’s- uh, he’s not here. Left a little bit ago.” They both shrug at each other, unsure of what to do. “Right, I’ll let you know if he comes back, alright?”

Troy sighs and throws his phone on the bed. “She’s not happy, is she?” Abed asks, and Troy slides back under the covers and nestles into his side.

“Not particularly. I think Lucas might have called her.” Troy says, and he sighs as Abed wraps his arms around him and pulls him closer into his chest.

“I figured he would. I did kind of make a big deal of taking the ring off in front of him,” Abed says, briefly running a hand through his hair before putting it back on Troy’s back. “Makes sense he’d call Annie.” 

“If he had called Jeff instead I think you’d be witness to a murder.” Troy mumbles into Abed’s chest. 

“Jeff not your biggest fan now?”

“Not a big fan of me breaking up your engagement.” Troy sighs and turns his head to face Abed’s neck, and presses a gentle kiss to his collarbone. “Which I’m kind of assuming was the issue?” his voice lilts up at the end. Abed tries not to focus on the sad look on Troy's face, and instead wraps his fingers in Troy's hair.

“Don’t worry about whether it was you or not, okay? I made my own choice. And I’m gonna stand by that choice.” he presses a kiss to Troy’s forehead. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Me either.” Troy says after a moment of silence. They sit in the quiet a bit longer before Troy speaks up again. “What are we gonna do about Annie?”

“Ignore her. Let’s just stay in our bubble a little longer.” Abed says, hugging Troy tighter, his chest loosening as he feels Troy do the same. 

“I’m okay with that.” Troy says, giving Abed a little extra squeeze. “I’m pretty sore, by the way.” 

Abed snorts. “I’d apologize but I’m not really sorry.”

“Don’t be. That was probably the best dick I’ve ever gotten.” Troy says as he pushes himself up off of Abed and moves out of the bed, ignoring Abed’s whines. “Shower with me?” he asks with a mischievous smile, hand extended. 

  
“ _God_ , yes.” Abed says as he scrambles out of bed, making Troy laugh as he scoops him up and kisses him all over his face.


	8. eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one gets off to a quick nsfw start. just a heads up  
> and there's a fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck lucas. all my homies hate lucas.  
> be happy, be safe, be well. much love to you <3

“ _F_ _uck_ , I- I’m close.” he breathes out, tightening his grip on his bicep. He’s sweaty, and the feeling of his fingers in his hair make him weak. 

He feels it hit his chest before he can open his eyes to see him finish, moving underneath him and moaning out his name. 

“ _Fuck_.” he moans, pushing deep inside of him a couple more times, riding out the high. 

He falls onto his back after a couple minutes, and he hears a small laugh. 

“Lucas...it gets better with you every time.” he gasps out, turning to face him. 

Lucas stares at the ceiling. “You know I have to go.” he swallows. He stands up, taking a tissue from the box on the nightstand and cleans his chest off. “This...this can’t happen again.”

“You’re really going to leave?” he asks from the bed.

Lucas picks up his underwear and sighs. “Yeah. I have to.” 

“What about us?” 

Lucas looks at him. “I- I don’t know. I don’t know. I have to get to the airport.” he says as he pulls his sweatpants on and quickly throws a sweatshirt on, not realizing it’s not his own.

“So...what. The last four months meant _nothing_ to you? The last four _years_?” 

“I don’t know!” Lucas yells, exacerbated. “I don’t know if it meant _nothing_ , but- I’m _engaged_. Like I’m supposed to be walking down the _aisle_ in a couple months.” Lucas sputters. 

“So don’t. Stay here with me. Forget about him. You and me...we _really_ have something.” he says, grabbing Lucas’s hand. Lucas stops momentarily, looking down at him. He leans in and kisses him, pulling away before it gets too deep. “I love you.” he calls as Lucas leaves the room.

“Yeah.” he pauses. “I love you, too.” Lucas says back quietly before closing the door behind him.

—

Abed sits on the edge of Troy’s bed, looking out the large window of the bedroom out at the city. He still has his towel wrapped around his waist, and he can feel little droplets of water tickling his ears from his hair. 

One thing he loved about moving to Los Angeles was that he could hide in a room full of people, if he wanted to. He could stand in the center of a crowd and not be noticed. It was refreshing. He didn’t like to be noticed. He liked to observe. 

But now, he feels like all eyes are on him. That even though no one really knows, his wedding is off. That he cheated on his fiancé. That he left behind four years of commitment and what he always assumed was love, for his best friend that four months ago he had no interest even speaking to. 

It was all deflection, though. It wasn’t that he had hatred for Troy, or that he held a grudge against him for leaving. He was just scared that he’d remember what it felt like to have him again. That something like this would happen.

But in truth, he’s glad it happened. Because this is how it was always meant to be.

He feels the bed sink slightly behind him as Troy puts his chin on Abed’s shoulder.

“You’re not dressed.” Troy notes, speaking softly.

“I’m out of clean clothes.” Abed chuckles. “I’ve been here a week basically.”

“You know I have a washer and dryer, right?” Troy asks, wrapping his arms around Abed’s waist and kissing his cheek gently.

“ _Yes_ , I know.” Abed laughs. “But...I was kind of thinking.” he says, and he reaches up for Troy’s hand to prevent his own from shaking.

“Hmm?” Troy hums, resting his head back on Abed’s shoulder.

“What if I…” he swallows. 

_This is it. If you say it. There will be no going back._

“Move in with me.” Troy whispers, cutting his thought process off, moving to sit next to Abed, his hand gripping Abed’s tightly. “I know that this all happened sort of quick. But...I think you’d be really happy here.”

Abed sits still, looking out the window, and he can’t tell if the water droplet running down his face is a tear or residual from his hair. He feels Troy reach a hand up and turn his face towards him, and by the look on Troy’s face, he assumes it’s tears. He thumbs under Abed’s eyes and gives him a sad look.

“I didn’t mean to overstep-”

“I want to.” Abed says, and when Troy gives him that face, that silent _are-you-sure_ look, he nods. “But...Troy?”

“Yes?”

“You’re not going to leave me again...are you?” Abed whispers.

“Never.” Troy answers immediately, pulling Abed into a hug. Abed can feel his shoulders rock slightly as he holds Troy tight in his arms, almost afraid he might disappear. “Anywhere I go, from now until the rest of my life, I’m bringing you with me, Abed. Okay?”

Abed nods against his shoulder and pulls back, wiping his own eyes before looking at Troy again. Troy takes his face into his hands and pulls him close, kissing his forehead. 

“Can we go get some clothes? From my place?” Abed asks as he turns his head back to the window. 

“Of course.” Troy says, standing and walking to his closet. “I’m sure your jeans are still somewhere on the floor of this room. I’ll get you some boxers and a sweatshirt.”

—

When Abed slips his key into the lock, he stops.

His heart catches in his throat, his lungs stop pumping air, he can’t feel his fingertips. He can vaguely hear Troy whispering to him, his hand on his waist. Time around him stops moving, and he feels like he’s stuck in space.

He just uncovered his worst nightmare.

“It’s unlocked.” Abed whispers.

“Why does- _oh_ …” Troy says, and his hand falls from Abed’s hip. “Abed?”

“I’m fine.” he grabs Troy’s hand with one of his own, and pushes the door open.

Lucas stands up from his seat at the bar, whiskey glass in hand as Abed walks in with Troy in tow. 

“I fucking knew it.” Lucas slurs under his breath, downing the rest of his drink before setting the glass back on the counter. “I don’t want him here, Abed, this is _our_ house.”

“I’m just getting some clothes.” Abed says. “You’re clearly in no place to have an adult discussion right now-”

“ _You_.” Lucas sneers, pointing at Troy. “You did this. You made us fight, and you’re stealing him from me.”

“Why don’t you sit back down, _pal_.” Troy says, moving to stand between him and Abed. “You don’t have to do this.” He turns his head to look at Abed. “Go pack some stuff. I can always come back and get more later.”

“Don’t talk to my fiancé like that.” Lucas says, staggering towards Troy. 

“You can call him that when he puts _your_ ring back on _his_ finger.” Troy says, putting out a stiff arm to hold Lucas back. 

“Lucas, go sit down.” Abed says before turning to go into the bedroom. 

“ _No_ , I’m not gonna sit down. I want to give this _bitch_ a piece of my mind.” Lucas slurs, giving Troy a good shove. “Cheating on _my_ fiancé, ruining _my_ marriage.”

“You did that yourself.” Troy sneers, and Abed catches sight of Troy balling up his fist. 

“Both of you need to fucking grow up.” Abed says, and he ignores the look on Troy’s face as he turns to look at him, but before he can add anything further, all hell breaks loose. 

In an instant, Troy goes from wiping blood from under his nose to grabbing the hem of Lucas’s shirt, pushing him until his back is against the wall and he’s winding his fist back. 

“Troy!” Abed yells, running over and catching his arm. “Don’t do it, Troy.” 

“Doesn’t matter.” Lucas says, struggling against Troy’s grip. “He’s a fucking handful anyways. But that’s how this goes, right? One weirdo for another? That’s how that fucked-up brain shit works?” 

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” Troy yells, shoving him hard against the wall, hands shaking. 

Abed ignores the twinge in his heart as he tugs on Troy’s arm slightly. “Let go, Troy.” he says. 

Troy breathes heavily in Lucas’s face, ignoring Lucas’s sudden whimpers and his tightly-shut eyes. He looks at Abed, and his eyes go soft again. He lets go of Lucas’s shirt, but not before shoving a finger into his chest. “I’d suggest sitting the _fuck_ down and staying out of our way. Unless you want a visit to the fucking E.R.” Troy growls, shoving him against the wall one more time. 

“That’s _enough_ , Troy.” Abed says, pulling him away and into the bedroom. “Go into the bathroom and grab my things. The shampoo, conditioner, and body wash are on the bottom rack of the shower caddy. The rest of my stuff is in the blue cup by the right sink.” Troy stands and stares at him, eyes watery. “Go, Troy.” Abed whispers. “Please.” 

Troy turns and goes into the bathroom, and Abed finds his suitcase, piling all of his clothes into it. He’s trying not to cry, or freak out, or lose control. It’s hard, but he’s managing.

“Here.” Troy whispers, handing him his toiletries, all put together in a travel bag. 

“Thank you.” Abed whispers back, placing his shoes gently on top of his clothes. “I’ll have to get the rest another time.” he says, turning to look at Troy, wiping his thumb under Troy’s nose. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” Troy says, pulling his head back slightly and gently dabbing his nose with the back of his hand, inspecting the dried blood that follows his hand. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Abed nods, and takes his phone from off the nightstand, dead from leaving it there all week, and zips up his suitcase. Troy takes his hand and they walk back out to the main room, where Lucas is sulking on the couch. His phone goes off continually on the counter, and Abed looks at it closer, seeing multiple texts.

He was never one to pry, always let Lucas have his space, and his privacy. But after their argument, fuck privacy. He picks the phone up.

**_From: Carson_ ** _\- Baby? Are you there?_

**_From: Carson_ ** _\- Lucas, answer me. We need to talk._

**_From: Carson_ ** _\- I love you. Come back to London._

Abed scoffs. “Looks like your boyfriend is texting you.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his ring, before tossing it across the room, watching it land next to Lucas on the couch. “Have a shitty life.” And then he takes Troy’s hand and leads him out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

—

Troy watches Abed unpack his clothes from his seat on the bed, and he doesn’t think Abed can look anymore like _Abed_ than in this moment. 

He’s wearing a pair of skinny jeans, and he’s put on his old Inspector Spacetime t-shirt, with his matching Inspector Spacetime socks. His hair is swept back so it’s out of his face, his hair curling around his ears, and he’s putting his clothes in color order, just like he used to. He’s tapping his fingers rhythmically against his leg as he tilts his head to this side, before turning around to look at Troy.

“Does it look right?” he asks. 

Troy shakes his head and focuses his gaze on the closet. He can’t help the smile that creeps up on his face. “It looks perfect.” he says as Abed walks backwards to him, falling into his lap. Troy wraps his arms around his waist and props his chin up on his shoulder. “I think it’s really cool seeing your clothes next to mine again.” he whispers.

“Me too.” Abed says, and Troy can tell by the tone in his voice he’s smiling, and he gives him a quick peck on the cheek. 

“I can go get the rest of your stuff later this week, if you don’t want to go.” Troy says gently, intertwining their fingers and rubbing the back of Abed’s hand with his thumb.

Abed pauses for a moment before nodding. “That would be really helpful.” he says, and he pulls Troy’s arms tighter around him. “I knew something was off.” he says after they sit in silence for a few minutes. 

“Hm?”

“With Lucas. After about a month, he said he didn’t want to FaceTime anymore. Kept saying it was too difficult to do. And he was always very short with his texts. Stopped saying _I love you_.” Troy pulls Abed in even tighter. “And when he called me, the other night, he kept looking behind his camera. Like there was someone in front of him.” Abed gives a small laugh. “I should have known it was _him_.” he whispers.

Troy wants to ask, but he doesn’t want to pry, and he waits for Abed to keep going.

“Carson worked on my show, when I first moved to Los Angeles. Him and Lucas had worked on brief things together, but my show was their first long-term time working together.” Abed sniffles. “He stayed late, a lot of nights, with him. He always told me they had to run scenes over again, or practice lines. There was always something he had to do. And I just never questioned it.” he says, his voice faltering. “Because I trusted him. And I shouldn’t have. I should have seen it coming.” 

Troy turns Abed around so they face each other, Abed’s legs wrapped around his waist. His eyes look sad, and he won’t look Troy in the eye. Troy puts a finger under his chin, and he can finally see the tears on the edge, about to fall.

“You’re not in the wrong for this. Whatever that was, it’s been going on longer than just the last couple weeks. Longer than us.” He wipes away a couple tears that slip from Abed’s eyes. “This isn’t your fault. This was him...harboring some type of guilt he couldn’t escape, and he wanted someone to blame it on. And he naturally picked you, because it’s easier to blame someone else for cheating than blaming himself. That’s on _him_.” Troy says firmly but gently. “He wanted someone to blame. But it’s not _your_ fault. I hope you know that.”

Abed leans forward and puts his forehead against Troy’s, his arms draped around Troy’s neck. Troy rubs his sides gently.

“And what he said...it’s not true. You’re perfect. You’re perfect to _me_. And that’s what matters. Everything about you is what makes you _you_. I wouldn’t want you any different.” Troy whispers. 

“I love you.” Abed whispers.

Troy thinks his heart skips a beat. “I love you, too.” 

“You’re not going anywhere?” Abed asks shakily.

“Not without you.” Troy assures him. “You’re the only one for me, Abed. You always have been. Before I even knew it.”

They sit this way for a while, until the sun starts to set (and Troy’s back starts to get sore), so Troy hoists them up, Abed still wrapped around his body, and carries him to the kitchen. He sits Abed down on the counter as he gets the chocolate milk out of the fridge that he bought a couple days ago and pours him a glass. He hands it to Abed before getting out a box of pasta, and starts making both of them a hearty helping of buttered noodles. 

When that’s all done, he helps Abed off the counter and let’s him lead them to the living room, where their blanket fort from a few nights ago is still set up. 

“What do you want to watch tonight? Inspector Spacetime? Cougartown? Kickpuncher?” Troy asks, settling into his spot next to Abed, their backs against the couch. 

“I thought we could watch something else tonight. Maybe The Good Place?” Abed asks, and Troy smiles. 

“Yeah, that sounds perfect.” he says as he finds the remote and flips through his (really, it’s still Jeff’s) Netflix until he finds it. 

—

Troy stirs slightly in the middle of the night, the Netflix idle screen rolling through different shows, the light being the only thing illuminating the room. 

In his lap is Abed’s head, and he’s snoring lightly, his hair a tousled mess from where Troy kept running his fingers through it before he drifted off. Everything they have to deal with feels like a million miles away, because in this moment, everything is perfect, and exactly how it should be.


	9. nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can we please pretend i didn't forget to put a warning for injury? thank u sry to anyone who read that before i put this up whoops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really can't tell y'all where this motivation is coming from but uh. i don't think y'all are complaining? so imma let it happen.  
> be happy, be safe, be well. much love as always <3

Abed manages to drag the both of them out of the house for a run, to take their minds off of everything. 

Troy does a lot of complaining beforehand, but if he’s being honest, he needs this. 

He hasn’t been on a proper run since he came back from his trip, and the feeling of breathing deeply into his lungs again is refreshing, even through the pain. 

As he runs, he looks ahead of him at Abed. He’s wearing the same red and navy running shorts he used to wear in college, though they’re more than faded now, that fall to his mid-thigh. He’s gotten a new pair of running shoes, but they almost always look the same - grey with a bit of white and black, very simple. He looks practically identical to himself a little less than a decade ago, except now he wears a little purple band around his bicep, and a smartwatch on his wrist. 

His back is shiny with sweat, and his hair is curling at his ears and the top of his neck. Troy gets mesmerized at the way the muscles move in his back, and he’s afraid if he doesn’t stop staring soon he might trip and ear shit, but he can’t pull his eyes away. Thankfully, Abed slows down at an intersection and presses the crosswalk button, resting his hands on top of his head, pushing his hair down in front of his eyes, breathing deeply. 

Troy stops in front of him, still staring, and Abed gives him a small smile. 

“What’s up?” he asks breathily, and Troy shakes his head as he leans in to kiss him. Abed chuckles against his lips and drops his hands to Troy’s face. When they pull apart, the light changes, and Abed’s off and running again, leaving Troy to flounder in his head at how _attractive_ he is before trying to catch up. 

When they get back to Troy’s apartment, Abed is quick to hand him a bottle of water, and immediately grabs his phone from the counter, opening an app. 

“What are you looking at?” Troy asks through a couple of heavy breaths after chugging half the water bottle. He’s more out of shape than he remembers being. 

“Just the data from my run.” Abed says, sipping his own water. “This band kind of tracks everything in my body, like heart rate and calories burned, things like that. It also does sleep and recovery, but I don’t like to wear it unless I’m running.” 

Troy nods thoughtfully, his breath finally evening out again. He points at the smartwatch on his wrist. “So what’s that for?”

Abed looks at it briefly before taking it off, shaking his head. “I only wore it for Lucas so he could see where I was at while I was running.” He cocks his head to the side. “I used to think it was nice, because he wanted to make sure I didn’t get lost or something...but now I’m not so sure.” 

Troy’s stomach turns a little at the thought of the real purpose behind why Abed had to wear the watch, but he pushes it away. “Well, I think I need to get back into the groove of running regularly again. It’s been a while. Maybe you and I can make this a regular thing? Go for a run every morning?” 

If Troy didn’t know him so well, he’d miss the way Abed’s face lights up with just a little smile. Good thing he knows him better than anyone. 

“That’d be really nice. I haven’t had a running partner since you.” he says. “I know some really good trails around here that a lot of people don’t normally go on, if you want to try some of those sometime?”

“Of course. I might need to get some better shoes, though.” Troy says as he looks down at his running shoes, pushing the side of his foot against the small hole that’s starting to rip open. “I’ll order some tonight.” 

Abed leans over and kisses him on the cheek before walking towards the bedroom, and every time he does it makes Troy’s heart flutter. “I’m going to shower.”

“Coming!” Troy says quickly, wrapping his arms around Abed’s waist from behind and picking him up slightly, making him giggle. 

Troy could listen to that giggle forever.

—

Abed’s napping on the couch, and it almost hurts Troy to have to wake him up from it, with how peaceful he looks. His hair is extra fluffy and curly from where he towel dried it, and it’s getting so long now that when he doesn’t brush it back it falls and practically covers his eyes, like it’s doing right now. 

“Abed?” Troy whispers, sitting down gently next to him and putting a light kiss on his forehead, pushing his hair back out of his face. 

“Hm?” Abed says quietly, and Troy knows he’s awake even though he hasn’t opened his eyes because he can feel his fingers slide under his shirt and rest on his hip. Such a simple gesture that Troy finds so endearing it pulls on his heartstrings. 

“I have to go get the rest of your stuff.” he whispers sadly. “So I’m going to be gone for a little bit.” he can see Abed’s face screw up ever-so-slightly, but he feels Abed’s fingers slide barely up and down his side. 

“I can come with you.” he says, and Troy can tell he doesn’t really want to. 

“No, no. You should stay here and rest.” he says, brushing his fingers through Abed’s hair. “I can take care of it.” he shifts to stand up, but he feels Abed’s fingers dig in just a bit. He smiles softly and leans in to give him a kiss, and he feels Abed sigh contently. “Be back before you know it.” 

—

When Troy walks into Abed’s old apartment, he’s expecting it to be empty. He is only mildly inconvenienced when he sees Lucas sitting on the couch, almost empty bottle in hand. 

“I’m just here to get a couple more things.” Troy says in a bored, flat tone. “This can literally be done in fifteen minutes if you just...stay there.” 

“Fuck you.” Lucas says from the couch, words slurring. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Troy mumbles under his breath. He goes into their bedroom and almost gags at the smell. 

It’s been less than a week since they came to get the first round of Abed’s things, but the state of the place looks like Lucas has been living in shambles for months. There’s empty bottles and cans everywhere, and old takeout boxes on the mess of a bed. Troy wills himself to ignore it, after all, he lived on a boat with worse smells for years, but it’s proving more difficult than he thinks. He quickly finds a box in the closet and starts to gather Abed’s things up. A small box of photos and posters, a couple more pairs of shoes, other trinkets and things he couldn’t grab before. 

Once he thinks he has everything, he walks back out to the main room, and tries not to look at the mess in the kitchen. Suddenly everything sensory is very overwhelming, but Troy just swallows and forces himself to speak. 

“Abed said you can keep the TV.” he says as he sets the box down by the door and moves to the living room to grab his game console. “And the furniture.” he grunts as he unplugs it from the television set. “I don’t think I’m forgetting anything, so you’ll likely never have to deal with me again, which means I’ll never have to deal with you again.” 

Lucas scoffs and pushes himself up, staggeringly, and follows Troy back to the front door. Troy sighs as he sets the console and controllers down in the box and stands back up, leaning against the wall. 

“Alright, come on. Say what you gotta say, let’s get this over with.” Troy says, turning his face slightly away from the alcohol melting off Lucas’s breath. 

“I _do_ love him, you know.” he drawls, and if Troy didn’t know any better, he would think Lucas looks almost sad. “Eventually I did.”

“Eventually.” Troy scoffs. “Sure.”

“I’m serious.” Lucas says angrily. “I didn’t, at first. I just wanted the jobs.” he laughs a little at himself. “Every actor wants a director and producer. So they get the best roles.” his face softens again. “But I _did_ end up loving him.” 

Troy opens and closes his fist, trying not to let his anger take over. “Tell that to the guy you’ve been seeing on the side for four years.” 

“He knows.” Lucas says, swaying. “But I love him, too.” 

“Yeah. Well. You can stop loving Abed. It’s over with you guys. Go be with the other guy.” 

“But I don’t _want_ to be with him.” Lucas’s voice raises. “I want _Abed_.” 

Troy takes a moment to think about what he’s going to say. He could be mature, let it go, or he can be an asshole. Rub it in. 

He thinks it might be a little more fun to be a bit of an asshole. 

“Well. He’s with me now. You fucked up.” 

“I could win him back.”

“I don’t think you will.”

When Troy watches him wind his fist back, he feels like he’s in one of those movie scenes where the main character is moving normally but everything else is in slow motion. 

_“Come on, Troy, you have to focus!” LeVar says, holding up a pair of training mitts._

_Troy is_ tired. _He wants nothing more than to go back below deck and collapse on his bunk, but LeVar insisted he do something to keep himself busy. Troy’s energy was getting a bit much for him. He didn’t understand that that was just how Troy_ was _._

_“Come on, man, I’ve been at this for like, two hours.” Troy says as he barely dodges a swipe from LeVar._

_“Land a hit on me and we’ll be done.” LeVar says, bringing his hands up to frame his face._

_But Troy can’t focus. The sun is beating down on him, and the waves hitting the side of the boat sound louder than normal, and someone is playing music somewhere that keeps distracting him. He takes a quick and small hit in the nose from LeVar that brings him back to reality a bit, and he shakes his head. “Come on, dude.” he grumbles, picking his hands up to block his face._

_“One hit.” LeVar says. Troy moves around a bit, turning LeVar subtly so the sun is in his eyes. He swings at Troy, and Troy leans enough to the side that he misses the punch while also giving him room to connect with the pad covering LeVar’s stomach, causing him to let out a small_ oof _._

_“Done, right?” Troy breathes heavily, using his teeth to untie the laces on his glove, shaking it off to take off the other._

Time comes back to him as he leans sideways, and the _crack_ he hears as Lucas’s fist hits the wall where his head was makes his stomach turn. 

“ _Fuck_!” Lucas yells, pulling his hand back and he whimpers as he goes to hold his wrist. 

“Ah, _fuck_.” Troy hisses, pinching the bridge of his nose. _You have to do the right thing. You know that._ “Fuck it, alright, come on, I’ll take you to the hospital.” he picks up Abed’s box of things from the floor and is thankful he doesn’t hear any arguing from Lucas as they make their way to his car. “You’ve gotta work on your anger management.” Troy mumbles under his breath as he puts Abed’s things in the backseat and gets Lucas in the passenger seat. He buckles him in through all of his whining and blubbering, and walks to the driver’s side. When he sits down he stares at Lucas. “Don’t you _dare_ fucking puke in my car.” he says, and Lucas nods. 

—

Abed rushes into the waiting room, where Troy sits in a chair, looking bored as Lucas keeps talking angrily at him. 

“What the fuck is going on, Troy?”

Troy stands up and stops Abed before he gets closer to Lucas, and puts a hand on his waist. “Come here, let’s go talk in the hall, he’ll be fine.” 

“Troy what did you _do_ to him?” Abed asks, and Troy chuckles. “It’s not funny.” Abed says defensively. 

“No, you’re right. He just...tried to punch me. And he hit the wall.” Troy says, looking back into the waiting room at Lucas, who keeps cradling his hand close to his chest. “I wasn’t really thinking when I moved out of the way. Actually, I was. Sort of. You know like in movies when-”

“When time slows the main character doesn’t slow with time, yeah.” Abed says. 

“I love you.” Troy says. “Anyways. I guess my body was thinking faster than my brain if that makes sense. It happened really fast and also somehow really slow.” 

Abed sighs and looks over Troy’s shoulder at Lucas. “I love you, too. Right. Well, I’m still his emergency contact, so they called me. I’m gonna have to sign off on everything, and-”

“Can I fucking go back, yet?” Lucas yells from the lobby, and Troy winces. 

Abed points. “Is- is he drunk?” 

“Yeah. Pretty sure he’s pissing alcohol at this point.” Troy sighs. “Be _really_ glad you didn’t go. The smells alone almost made _me_ sick. I don’t know how he’s living like that.” 

Abed sighs. “Okay. I’ll have to send a service over to clean the place up. Can you just watch him til I come back? Make sure he doesn’t break the other hand?” 

“Yeah, of course.” Troy says, and Abed kisses him before walking back outside. Troy turns around and sits back down near Lucas, who’s still yelling. “Shut the fuck up, Lucas.” 

Lucas uses his one good hand to flip Troy off, but falls silent nonetheless. 

Abed comes back shortly after, and takes the paperwork from the front desk to fill in, sitting in between Troy and Lucas. 

“Abed...I love you.” Lucas slurs softly. 

“Be quiet, Lucas.” Abed says sternly, not even looking up from the stack of forms. 

“Are you really going to leave me for _him_?” he points in Troy’s direction. “Abed...we’ve been together four years.”

“All while you’ve been seeing someone else.” he hisses under his breath. Troy watches him close his eyes and set the pen down, his hand shaking. “I’m not having this discussion with you. Not now, not ever. We’re not getting back together.” Abed says quietly, so as not to draw attention to them. “So just...be quiet, so I can fill out this paperwork, and you can go back home.” 

Lucas sulks against his seat, eyeing Troy with a look that could kill. 

Troy places a hand on Abed’s knee, and sighs quietly to himself when Abed rests his on top. 

“Tyler, Lucas?” a nurse calls, and Abed stands to help Lucas up, making sure he doesn’t fall. “Hi, Mr. Tyler.” the nurse says warily, pulling a wheelchair from around the corner. “Sir, do you know how much he’s had to drink?” she asks Abed. 

“No clue. My boyfriend found him in this state.” Abed says, and Troy tries not to feel giddy over the fact that Abed just called him his _boyfriend_. 

“Okay. Well, we can always call you when his procedure is done so you don’t have to wait around here.” 

“Actually, if you don’t mind, I don’t want any further contact with him regarding this stuff. Can I remove myself as an emergency contact and add someone else?”

The nurse makes a face, but points Abed to the front desk, where he speaks quickly to the man there and signs a couple more papers. 

“Ready to go?” Abed asks, reaching out for Troy’s hand. 

“Of course.” Troy says, taking it and pulling himself to a stand. Abed looks at him softly and kisses him before they leave, walking to Troy’s car. “Can I take you to get dinner somewhere?” Troy asks, putting a hand on Abed’s leg as he drives out of the parking lot and onto the main road. 

“No, I’m okay.” Abed says, looking out the window. Troy nods, and gives his leg a small squeeze before putting it back in his own lap. He smiles to himself when he feels Abed reach for it and interlace their fingers. “You’re a good person, Troy.”

Those words make Troy feel warm and fuzzy inside, especially coming from Abed. 

“It was the least I could do.” Troy says simply. 

“You could have left him. You could have pressed charges. You could have not gone at all.” Abed replies, still gazing out the window. “But instead you helped him, and made sure he got taken care of. And you helped me by doing those things.” he feels Abed squeeze his hand. “Your heart has always been so big, and so open, even to the people you don’t necessarily like. You just want to do right by everyone.” Abed turns to look at him, and Troy steals a glance. “It’s a really wonderful thing.”

Troy tries not to let his eyes tear up as he comes to a stop at a light, and leans over to kiss Abed’s temple. “You make me want to be better.” he whispers. 

Abed squeezes his hand one more time before reaching back to the backseat, and putting the box in his lap. “Hey…” he says, voice quiet and soft. “You grabbed it.”

“Hm?” Troy asks, and looks quickly at what Abed’s holding in his hand, and then he smiles. “It must have fallen out of something else, because it was in the back corner of the closet. But I figured it was important to you.”

Abed gives a small sniff and takes Troy’s hand back in his own and kisses his knuckles. “Thank you.” Abed says, and he slides it onto Troy’s finger.

Troy’s smile gets bigger as the cold metal runs down his finger. 

His class ring. Still shiny and clean as ever.


	10. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't really have much to say today other than i hope this weekend is relaxing for you and next week treats you kindly.  
> be happy, be safe, be well. much love to you

It’s surprising how quick he falls back into this routine. 

Waking up to Troy’s alarm gentle alarm before the sun even comes out, and feeling him scratch his head gently to wake him up. Lacing his shoes up and having Troy double check them by the front door. Stopping at the halfway point of their run to take pictures of the sunrise, wherever they're at. 

There were new things, too. Listening to Troy sing in the hallway before he came into the shower with him. Doing yoga on the balcony while Troy did a workout in one of the guest rooms he had turned into a small at-home gym. Taking Troy to the office with him after hours so he could work in the quiet while Troy sat in the corner patiently, playing his phone or working on his new Rubik’s cube.

His favorite part of the new routine though, were Lego weekends, like this one. They’d go out and either buy one large set to do together, or two sets to do themselves, and they’d spend the weekend sitting and building Legos. They may be older, but they don’t act like it. Abed thinks about all the things he does with Troy that he couldn’t do when he was with Lucas months ago. Like building Legos. Or having light saber fights. Or sleeping in a big blanket fort every other night.

Part of him is afraid he’s regressing. That all the progress and changes he’s made to himself are all slowly fading away, that he’s going to be stuck in _that_ body, the body from before, forever.

But then Troy comes up to him, and kisses his temple, and speaks to him in a way that’s familiar but new, mature but still playful, a bit of the before and a bit of the after, and he realizes that maybe it’s okay if he’s a mixture of both. Maybe it’s okay that Troy lets him play sometimes instead of treating everything like business. 

Maybe it’s okay that they want to slow down growing up every now and again.

“Troy?” Abed asks, flipping the page of his instructions gently.

“Yeah?” Troy asks from the other side of the island, moving his hand above the pile of pieces in front of him until he gives a quiet _aha_ and picks up a small piece. 

“Where do you see this- us, going?” 

“I’m spending the rest of my life with you.” Troy answers immediately, surprising Abed.

“You answered that quickly.”

“Because I don’t have to think about it.” Troy says as he sets down the part of his set he’s working on to look at Abed. “Before I even knew I liked guys, before I even knew that I had feelings for you, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. In hindsight, I probably should have known I was gay a _lot_ sooner, considering I was dating women and still saw myself living with you til I was old and grey.” That makes Abed chuckle a little as he looks up from his booklet. “But I’ve known since I met you. That above all else, you are my best friend, and my soulmate, and I couldn’t see myself being with anyone besides you.”

Abed stills for a moment. “That’s...really sweet, Troy.”

Troy shrugs and picks his pieces up again, looking quickly between his booklet and the mess of pieces before him. “Ultimately, I’m going to do whatever it is you want to do. If you want to get married and adopt a bunch of kids, I’ll do it. If you never want to get married and don’t want to put a label on this, I’ll do that, too. As long as I get to be with you.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you.” Abed says and he picks up the next few pieces he needs from their individual piles. “I like your first idea, though.”

“Yeah?” Troy says, and Abed can practically hear the smile dripping off his voice. 

“You know, I’ve got my premiere this weekend. I thought maybe you could come with me. As my date.”

“I’d love to.” Troy smiles, and he pushes himself over the island to give Abed a kiss, but sharp knocks on the door scare the both of them. 

“Open this door _right now_!” 

“You’re fucking kidding me.” Abed says under his breath. 

“Do you think if we’re quiet enough she’ll go away?” Troy whispers, the knocks on the door persisting. 

“We both know that’s not true. Remember when we tried to skip study group the day before our biology final?” Abed says as Troy grimaces at that, voice still quiet. “Eventually we’re going to have to let her in. Or she’ll figure out how to do it herself.” 

Troy’s phone vibrates rapidly in his pocket, and when he reads it he looks about sick to his stomach. “Yeah, we’ve got company.” he walks to the door and unlocks it slowly, and as soon it clicks out of place Annie is barging in with Jeff in tow, walking straight up to Abed as Jeff puts a finger in Troy’s chest. 

Their yells are overlapping as they both confront Troy and Abed, and Troy steals a glance over at Abed, and his heart sinks. He’s clenching and unclenching his fists and twisting his fingers one over the other, and then he hears that whine come from the back of Abed’s throat and he sees red. 

“Hey!” he yells, pushing Jeff off of him and going over to stand in between Abed and Annie. “That’s _enough_.” he says to Annie. He turns around to look at Abed and drops his voice. “Hey, you okay? C’mere, sit down.” Abed takes his hand as Troy leads him to the couch, and he reaches behind him on the couch to hand Abed a Rubik’s cube. 

“Troy-”

“No. Both of you follow me, _now_.” Troy growls, and he kisses Abed on top of the head before taking Jeff and Annie into one of the guest bedrooms, closing the door behind him before he really lays into them. “Who in the _hell_ do you think you are, barging in here and _bombarding_ him like that, like you don’t know full well that makes him shut down?” Troy says angrily, pointing at Annie. “And you,” he points at Jeff. “I know you’re pissed at me, and I know you _think_ I did something that you aren’t happy with. You can be mad at me all you want, but you don’t get to come into _my_ house and put a finger to my chest, even if you are.”

“You did _exactly_ what I told you not to do-”

“Lucas has been calling me for the last _four_ weeks asking to talk to Abed, you better explain-”

“Stop! Both of you!” Troy yells, pushing his face into his hands. “I’m not doing this.” 

“Then come up with an explanation, Troy.” Jeff says. 

Troy takes in a deep breath and puts his hands down. “Alright. Fine. Annie, did Lucas happen to mention to you that he’s been seeing someone on the side for the entirety of his and Abed’s relationship? That he only started seeing Abed because he wanted the jobs that would come along with it, and not because he wanted to actually _be_ with Abed? Or that the _day_ he came back, this other guy was texting him and telling him he _loved_ him, and Abed saw it all?” 

“No-”

“Jeff, did you have _any_ idea that nothing happened between me and Abed _at all_ until his relationship with Lucas was over, and before that, I told Abed that I couldn’t see him unless we were just going to be friends? Or that Abed came over here, drunk off his ass the night after Lucas left, and he wanted to have sex and I told him no? That he’d regret it and end up resenting me for it?” 

“Well-”

“I’m going to go ahead and assume neither of you knew that Abed almost started drinking heavily again, because near the end of his relationship with Lucas, he was struggling to understand what he wanted, and he was afraid of what life would be like with Lucas.” 

Jeff and Annie stay silent, looking like dogs who put their tail between their legs. 

“That’s what I thought. So neither of you have the _fucking_ right to come in here and throw around accusations about things you _clearly_ don’t know anything about. You,” he points at Jeff. “Owe me an apology, and you know it. And you,” he says to Annie. “Need to apologize to Abed when he’s ready to talk again, whenever he’s ready to talk again, and you’re not going to rush him until he _is_ ready to talk again, because their entire break-up has been plastered over the news and tabloids and he’s already under enough stress about it as it is.” 

Annie’s lip quivers slightly as she turns to leave the room, and Jeff sighs as she closes the door back behind her. 

“I’m sorry.” he says sheepishly. “She told me a bunch of stuff, and-”

“And you didn’t think to call me? Get my side of it?” Troy asks. Jeff shakes his head. “I know that you still don’t think of me as someone who’s grown up, or as an adult, but you should know better than to think I’d put myself before Abed. You _know_ I’d never do that.”

“Yeah. I do.” Jeff says quietly. “We may have...overreacted.” 

Troy scoffs. “Overreacted is an understatement.” 

They stand awkwardly for a moment, silence filling in the gaps of the room. “You were a kind of a dick to Annie.”

“Yeah, well. She knows better. And she knows that.” he sighs. “I have to go check on Abed.” 

Troy shows himself out of the bedroom, going into the main room to see Abed click the last row into place, completing the Rubik’s cube. Troy smiles. “Great job.” he says sweetly. 

“Thanks.” Abed whispers, handing Troy the cube. Troy makes a face at Annie, and she clears her throat. 

“Abed?” she says, standing slowly from the bar stool she was occupying. “I’m really sorry for yelling.” 

“I accept your apology.” Abed says quietly, not looking at her directly. He reaches up and tugs on Troy’s sleeve, and Troy slides his hand down from Abed’s shoulder to take his hand. “Did you tell them?” Abed asks, looking up at Troy. 

“Yeah, babe, it’s all taken care of.” Troy leans over and kisses the top of his head. “Right, guys?” 

“Yes.” Jeff says quickly, cutting Annie off. “We’re really sorry for barging in like that. We...should have called first. Or...not done that, at all.” 

“Jeff’s right, we should have figured out what was happening first.” Annie says, tentatively sitting on the edge of the couch by Abed. 

Abed nods. “You should have.” he looks back up at Troy again, and he can tell by the look in Abed’s eye he wants to be alone. 

“Maybe, if Abed feels like it, you guys can come back over tomorrow, and properly ask us how we’ve been doing.” Troy says, less as a suggestion and more as a direction. 

“Yes, perfect.” Jeff says, moving his hands like he’s going to clap them together, but stopping just short, and Troy mouths a _good catch_ to him, brushing a hand through Abed’s hair. The last thing he needs is a loud noise sending him into a total shutdown. “I’ll text you?” Jeff asks, and Troy makes a face. “You’ll text me. Got it.” 

Troy peels away from Abed’s side long enough to get them out the door, and when he comes back, Abed falls into his lap. 

“I didn’t enjoy that.” 

“Yeah. Me neither.” Troy says, rubbing Abed’s back. 

—

“I _really_ thought-” Jeff starts as they leave the parking lot. 

“That it would be Lucas?” Annie finishes. 

Jeff nods. “It all seemed so perfect. Like it was too good to be true.” 

“I guess it was.” Annie says quietly. “I can’t believe he cheated on Abed the entire time.” she whispers. 

That makes Jeff’s hands tighten around the wheel of the rental car, but he relaxes a bit at the thought of who Abed has in his corner now. 

Troy, who was loyal almost to a fault of his own, doing everything Abed needed when he ended his trip to be in his life again. Troy, who saw Abed needed help and did it immediately despite being in a situation himself. Troy, who was man enough to look Jeff in the eye, something he couldn’t ever really do in college, and _demand_ an apology. 

Troy, who, Jeff must admit, was right when he said that he would put Abed over everything. He really would. He always has. 

“It...kind of worked out perfectly though, didn’t it?” Jeff says with a small smile, looking over at Annie. She’s trying to hide the big smile on her face as she looks out the window. 

“I always wanted it to be the two of them.”

—

When Abed finally sleeps soundly for more than thirty minutes at a time, Troy lets out a sigh of relief. He’d been jerking around and whimpering and just generally not sleeping well for hours, and he was making Troy worried. He got like this after incidents like earlier, where he couldn't find enough solace to actually relax enough to go to sleep. Troy spent the last three hours whispering to him gently and stroking his hair, trying to make it all as comfortable and stress-free as he could. 

He slides his arm out from around him as gently as he can and tiptoes out onto the bedroom balcony, sliding the moving glass door as quietly as possible, and calls Jeff.

“Even when we’re in the same time zone, you have a penchant for calling me in the middle of the night.” Jeff groans when he answers the phone.

“I don’t know what that means, but you deserve it this time.”

“Okay, okay, fair.” Jeff says through a yawn, and Troy can hear him flip a light on in the background. “What’s up?”

“How long are you supposed to be in town for?” Troy asks.

“Technically just today and tomorrow.” Jeff responds, and Troy looks back through the sliding door at Abed.

“Look. Today was...disastrous. We know that. Annie knows that. But his split from Lucas...it’s been really hard on him. It's been a shitty month for him. The media coverage isn’t helping, since it’s all focusing on Abed as being the ‘bad guy’ out of it all. Which isn’t true.” Troy adds. “He has a premiere, this coming weekend. I think he’d really like it if all of us were together again. Just for the weekend. To take his mind off everything.”

“You really think so?” Jeff asks hesitantly.

“Yeah. As long as we avoid _this_.” Troy gestures around him, even though Jeff can’t see him. “Lucas is already going to be there...It’s going to be a whole thing. I think he would appreciate a bit of normalcy in the sea of crazy. You get me?”

“Yeah. I do.” Jeff says. “I’ll put Britta on the next flight out here, and I’ll have Annie talk to Shirley. They’ve been more in touch than I have.” 

“Alright. Thanks.”

“Hey, before you go.” Jeff says quickly before Troy can hang up the phone. “I already know the answer to this, I’m sure of it, but I’m gonna ask anyways.”

“Okay?” Troy says hesitantly.

“This thing with you and Abed...I don’t need to worry, about _either_ of you, right?” Jeff’s voice softens.

“I’m in it for the long haul. I always have been.” Troy says, looking at Abed again, his hair shining in the moonlight. “We're going to be just fine. Goodnight, Jeff.”

“Night, Troy.”


	11. eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> late addition note: tiny bit of slightly drunk sex at the end of this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry lakay for posting this ten minutes after you went to bed  
> be happy, be safe, be well. much love to you

When Saturday comes around, the pit in Abed’s stomach only gets worse. He thought that maybe after spending the week with the rest of the group, the sense of dread that had built itself up inside of him would dissipate. That since he _knew_ everything would be fine it would go away. 

But it hasn’t. 

It hasn’t when he wakes up that morning, skipping his and Troy’s run to stay in bed instead. It hasn’t when Troy makes him brunch and kisses his temple. It hasn’t when the rest of the group comes over in the afternoon to talk and chat before Troy and Abed spend the evening on the carpet, doing interviews and taking pictures. 

He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for Troy to come out of the bathroom, the voices of his friends sounding far away in the living room. 

“Hey.” Troy says gently as he comes to a pause in front of him, and Abed looks up at him. He hands him a bow tie with shaky hands. Troy gives him a small smile and crouches down in front of him. 

_“...and you pull the rest through the tunnel.” Troy smiles as Abed pulls the bow tie into place. Troy’s crouched down in front of him at the edge of the bunk bed. “Good job, Abed! I told you you could do it.” Troy says as he turns Abed around by his shoulders and straightens the bow out._

_“I like it better when you do it.” Abed mumbles. Troy laughs._

_“I know. I just wanted to see you try it. I’ll do it for you next time, okay?”_

“Long over short...under then over…” Troy stops when Abed starts saying it along with him, smiling bigger. 

“One bunny ear. Then another bunny ear. And the rest goes through the tunnel.” Abed finishes as Troy ties the knot, resting his hands on Abed’s chest. He looks down at Troy. “I heard you say it so many times I think I could do it in my sleep.” 

Troy chuckles. “I bet you could.” he stands up and holds out his hand to Abed, pulling him gently to his feet. He pulls him in close, their foreheads touching. “I’m going to be right beside you, all night long. If you need to leave, or need a minute of fresh air, or just want to know I’m there, tell me. I’ll do whatever you need me to do, okay?”

Abed nods and tilts his head to kiss Troy’s cheek gently. He stands up straight again to fix Troy’s collar. “You always had a problem keeping them down.” 

_“Troy! Wait-” Abed bounces up to him at his dorm door, his fingers shaking. He hopes Troy won’t notice. He reaches up and brushes Troy’s neck, bending his collar down so it’s not sticking up in the back and on the side. “There.” he says shakily. “Much better.”_

_Troy smiles. “Thanks, buddy!” he holds up his hands to do their handshake, and Abed matches him. “I’ll see you after the date!” he calls as he walks down the hallway, away from Abed’s room._

_When Troy comes back later, his collar is all askew again, and Abed thinks he sees a hickey on his collarbone. He doesn’t say anything._

_The day of Pierce’s dad’s funeral, Troy stands next to Abed by the front door, waiting for Annie to finish getting ready so they can leave. Abed looks down and sees Troy’s collar popped up in the back. Without saying anything, he reaches down and tucks Troy’s collar in, his fingers sliding down the edge of Troy’s shirt. “Can never keep it down flat.” Abed says, smiling to himself._

_“Seriously?” Troy asks, turning around to look up at him. “I thought I got it this time.” he pouts._

_“Good thing I always fix it for you.” Abed jokes._

“I think I get it every time.” Troy groans, but smiles as Abed turns the edge of the collar down, smoothing the front of his shirt when he’s done. “You ready to go?” he asks. 

“Yeah.” Abed says as he takes a deep breath in, taking Troy’s hand. 

—

When they arrive, the rest of the group gives them quick _good luck_ s as Abed stares down the red carpet path, lined with paparazzi and cameras and microphones of people being far too loud. He feels Troy squeeze his hand after a minute, and looks down to see him smiling. 

“I got you something.” Troy says, reaching into his pocket. He pulls out a silver ring, and holds it out to Abed. 

“If this is a proposal, I’m surprised it’s not more extravagant.” Abed says, but smiles as he takes the ring from Troy’s fingers. 

“Come on, you’d know I’d pull all the stops out for a proposal.” Troy says, but he fumbles over his words slightly and Abed can’t help but notice him blush a bit. “It’s a spinner ring. I thought that maybe you could use it while you’re talking, if you keep a hand in your pocket or something. Just to calm you down.” 

Abed slides the ring onto his finger and gives it a try, and smiles at Troy. “It’s perfect. Thank you.” 

“Of course.” Troy leans up to press a quick kiss to his cheek. They both take a deep breath in. “I’m ready when you are.” 

Abed nods, and he leads Troy down the carpet, posing every few steps for pictures, and he doesn’t think he can look at the cameras, so he spends the whole time looking at Troy, a smile on his face. Every now and again Troy looks up at him, a big dopey grin on his face, and he slides his arm around Abed’s waist, resting his hand on his lower back. 

Looking into Troy’s eyes, Abed feels like the rest of the world can fall away and he wouldn’t even notice. 

And it does feel that way. Until he gets to the reporters. 

“Abed Nadir! Why did you end things with your fiancé?”

“Mr. Nadir, how long had this entanglement been going on before you split from Lucas Tyler?”

“Abed Nadir, where did this man come from and how did he break up you and Lucas Tyler?”

Abed looks out over the sea of cameras and microphones and people, and he wants to disappear. He wants to hide in his closet, like he did when he was a little kid when things got too loud, and bright, and overwhelming, but right now he has nowhere to run. 

_“Abed?” Troy asks quietly, walking into his bedroom. The lights are off, and Abed can hear him tiptoe over to him in his socks. It sounds like he’s stomping. He starts shaking when Troy reaches out to touch him, and tries to scoot further into the corner._

_“I’m sorry I’m in your room it was just so quiet and it was so bright and noisy outside and I couldn’t even hear myself think and-” Abed chokes out through sobs as he drops his head between his knees, and his body aches from crying._

_“Abed, shh, buddy.” Troy whispers, crouching to sit across from him. “It’s_ okay _. It’s all okay, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here, okay?”_

_Abed nods between his knees, and after a minute he reaches out a shaky hand to Troy. Troy slides in to reach him and Abed throws himself in Troy’s lap, burying his face in his neck, breathing in the smell of his cologne. He sighs as Troy gently brings his fingers up to his hair and starts scratching his head gently._

_It’s the only thing he thinks he could stand right now._

“Mr. Nadir! Mr. Nadir!” 

“There was no ‘entanglement’. Not on my end.” Abed surprises himself with his words. “What Lucas did to me...it hurt. A lot. And you’ve all been hearing the narrative _he_ wants to push, but that’s not the truth.” he looks down at Troy, who gives his waist a squeeze. _I’m right here_. he mouths. “Lucas cheated on me for the entirety of our relationship. It was made clear to me he only wanted the apparent advantages of dating someone in my position. He betrayed me, and broke my trust. But that doesn’t matter anymore. Because now I’m with someone that I _know_ will never hurt me the way Lucas did.” Troy smiles at him, his eyes wet with tears about to fall. 

“Who is this, Mr. Nadir?” 

“This is Troy Barnes. And I’ve been in love with him since we were in college together.” Abed says, not breaking eye contact with Troy. “It’s always been him.” 

He leans down and kisses Troy deeply, and a new flurry of excited yelling starts up again, but Abed just pulls Troy away from it all, to the end of the line. They stop in a tent and Abed goes to sit in a chair in the corner, counting up to and down from ten, over and over and over until he feels like he can breathe again. 

“Abed-”

“I love you.” Abed says quickly, going back to counting quietly. “I love you so much and I never want you to leave again, because you make everything so much easier.” 

“I’m not leaving.” Troy says, squatting in front of Abed, resting his elbows on Abed’s thighs. “I’m right here. Always. Not going anywhere.” He gently reaches up to tuck a stray curl behind Abed’s ear. “Are you okay?”

Abed hesitates a little before nodding, his thumb rapidly spinning the ring on his finger. 

“It’s okay if you want to sit here a little longer.” Troy says, and Abed looks behind him to see people looking at them, and he can feel his hands and legs start to shake. “Hey, hey, look at me.” Troy says gently, putting his hands on Abed’s knees. “Just breathe.” he smiles, and Abed wants to cry. 

He wants to cry at how beautiful Troy looks in front of him right now, and he wants to cry at how far both of them have come in six years, and he wants to cry at how overwhelming everything is, in good ways and bad. 

“Abed?” 

Abed looks up, and he wants to cry for a different reason now. 

—

Troy spins around and stands up, putting himself in between him and Abed. 

“What do you want, Lucas?” 

“I just need a minute to talk to Abed-”

“No.” Troy says, puffing his chest out almost subconsciously. “You’re done talking. And you’re done harassing our friends about it. Do the smart thing and _leave_ , Lucas.” 

“Troy-”

“Look, he wants to talk to me, I just need a minute-”

“ _No_.” Troy says, and he feels Abed reach up and put a hand on his lower back, and all his anger melts away. “Abed, you don’t have to talk to him.” 

“I know. But let me just hear what he has to say.” He gives Troy these pleading eyes Troy can’t refuse, so he sighs a bit and stands behind Abed instead, hands firmly on his hips as he props his chin up on Abed’s shoulder. 

“Alone-” Lucas starts. 

“No. He stays.” Abed says, and Troy has to suppress the grin that wants to creep up on his face. 

Lucas scowls, but talks anyways. “I want to try again. I think we can work through this. I _love_ you, Abed, and I don’t want to be with anyone else.” 

Abed doesn’t answer right away, just looks at him. “What about Carson?” Troy pulls back a little bit, taking his chin off Abed’s shoulder, his grip loosening on his waist. 

“It’s over. Completely. I broke it off with him, we’re done. For good.” Lucas says. “You’re the only one I want to be with, Abed.” he sighs. “Gun to my head, I don’t think I could even _look_ at another man.” 

Abed stands still, but looks down at his feet. Troy can hear the ring whir quietly while it spins. 

“Abed?” Troy whispers, and he drops his hands from Abed totally, backing up to the chair. 

“You and me, Abed.” Lucas says, and he starts to extend a hand out to him, but drops it when Abed doesn’t take it. “We’re perfect for each other. You know it, so do I.” 

Abed looks behind him at Troy, and back to Lucas. He’s quiet for another minute before he speaks again. 

“I’ll _never_ get back together with you.” he says quietly, and his voice shakes not in sadness but in _anger_ . “You...took advantage of me. And manipulated me. And you never cared about me. But Troy does. Troy takes care of me and knows everything about me like the back of his hand and will never, _ever_ hurt me. I know that. So I need you to go. I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I don’t want you calling my friends. I don’t want you calling my people. I need you out of my life, and you need me out of yours. You have to let go.” 

“I don’t _want_ to let go, Abed, I _want_ you.” 

“Come on, Troy.” Abed takes his hand and pulls him towards the building, but Lucas catches Troy’s other arm. 

“I would let go _right now_ unless you want a matching cast for your good hand.” Troy growls, and Lucas drops his arm from his grip. “Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, and don’t talk to Abed. I see you, I hold nothing back. Are you understanding me perfectly clear?”

“I’m always going to be better for him.” Lucas says, looking at Abed. “I’m going to be here for him when you can’t. And you’ll let him down again just like you did before. And I’ll pick up the pieces again. Because you leave, and I stay.” 

“Troy.” Abed says, and Troy swears the softness of his voice pulls him out of anything. “Ignore him. Let’s go, you don’t have to worry about him anymore. It’s _okay_ , Troy.” 

“Stay out of our lives.” Troy says, releasing the fist he unknowingly clenched. 

“Come on, Troy. The movie is going to start soon.” Abed says, and security comes over at that moment to talk to Lucas, asking where his invite and band is, and getting him to leave the premises. 

“Abed, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. He’s a dick.” Abed says, and he pulls Troy into him. “Can I kiss you?”

Troy wraps his arms around Abed’s neck as he kisses him, ignoring the flashing lights that he can see through closed eyes. 

“I love you.” Abed says. 

“I love you, too.” Troy replies, and he follows Abed into the building, where the opening credit music booms over speakers. 

—

After the group leaves their apartment for post-premiere drinks in a tipsy goodbye, Abed can’t take his hands off of Troy. Troy’s not complaining at all, he loves the way Abed’s nipping at the sensitive spot under his jaw, and the way his hands start to untuck his dress shirt and fiddle with his buttons. 

“Troy…” Abed slurs slightly, making Troy laugh. “Troy, I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” Troy giggles, but it quickly turns into a sigh as Abed works the last button off and slides his hands over Troy’s abdomen, his fingers the tiniest bit cold from holding champagne flutes for the last two hours. 

“No, Troy, I _love_ you.” Abed stops, pulling back to look at Troy with a serious stare. 

“I love you, too.” Troy says back, matching his tone. “More than anyone.” 

“You promise?”

“Of course I promise.” Troy grins as he sees the smile creep up on Abed’s face, and he lets out a small moan at the way Abed goes back to kissing his neck, sucking a light hickey there as his hands move down Troy’s body. “Abed-” he cuts himself off with a whimper. “Shouldn’t we- _ah_ \- move to the bedroom?” 

“Mm, yes.” Abed decides, and he starts pushing Troy towards their room, trying not to trip over their feet on the way. 

Troy starts undoing the buttons on Abed’s shirt, and Abed works on their belts and pants, and before long Troy is looking up at Abed, hair tousled from his fingers running through it, and he stops, his hands resting on Abed’s waist. 

The moon and streetlights are illuminating Abed from behind, and Troy thinks if he could take pictures with his mind this would be a painting. He can see every defining feature on Abed’s body. His sharp jaw, his collarbones, the toned definition on his abdomen. He can see his muscles in his biceps and the veins on his forearms, and his chest rising and falling with every breath. 

“What is it, Troy?” Abed asks quietly. 

“You’re so beautiful.” Troy whispers, and he kisses Abed’s stomach gently, his fingers only putting enough pressure to make sure he’s touching him. He kisses softly up and down his torso, and he sighs when Abed puts a hand in his hair. Before long he’s standing and pushing Abed onto the bed on his back, and he’s leaving soft kisses all over his body. “You’re so beautiful.” Troy whispers again, and Abed whimpers quietly. 

“Troy-”

“You’re so beautiful.” Troy says again, and he means it. “Do you know how beautiful you are?” 

“ _Troy_.” Abed whines, and Troy takes his wrists in one hand and pins them over his head gently. He comes up to kiss at the sensitive spot under Abed’s jaw, and Abed whimpers again. 

“I love you.” Troy says, kissing up and down his neck slowly. 

“I love you.” Abed breathes out. “Troy, I need you.” 

“I’m not done yet.” Troy whispers, freeing Abed’s hands as he moves back down to Abed’s chest, and his stomach, and his waist and thighs. “You’re beautiful.” Another whimper. “You’re perfect.” Another whine. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.” A moan. “Let me show you how much I love you.” 

“Troy…” Abed’s breath gets shakier with every kiss. 

“You’re so talented.” Whine. “And smart.” Whimper. “And kind.” Another whine. “You’re the most beautiful person in the world.” _Moan_.

“Please just fuck me.” Abed breathes out. 

“Soon.” Troy says, coming back up to kiss Abed’s lips, keeping his hands on Abed’s hips to hold him down. 

He spends all night telling Abed _exactly_ how he feels about him, and everything he loves about him, and all of the things he admires about him. And as much as Abed’s reactions make him want to speed up the process, he’s determined to make Abed understand how _deserving_ he is of the praise he’s getting, because he _does_ deserve it. 

Troy will be damned if anyone else is going to prove it.


	12. twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i want to take a quick moment and say thank you.  
> this fic ended up being something i got really attached to, and totally immersed in. i spent hours working and editing it and trying to produce something people would like. i'm so happy people enjoyed it. every comment and kudos made my day, every dm or ask made me smile, all of the little things people did to let me know they enjoyed it made me feel like i was floating. this fic means so much to me, and i'm so happy it got received as it did.  
> i wouldn't have kept writing it without all of the comments encouraging me to do so, or the messages i got saying how people couldn't wait for more.  
> thank you for making this so fun to write. and for making it easy to write.  
> be happy, be safe, be well.  
> so, so, SO much love to you all. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, and happy birthday maya <3

“Hey…” Abed whispers to him, poking his shoulder gently. “Troy...hey…”

Troy stirs a bit in the quiet, and turns his head to see Abed, propped up on one elbow, looking down at him. He looks ethereal, his hair tousled and falling in his face, his eyes glistening in the moonlight, and Troy would be lying if he says he doesn’t grin a little at the hickeys littering his neck.

“Hey, I thought you would’ve been asleep by now. I guess I didn’t do a good enough job.” Troy whispers, chuckling quietly.

“Don’t mistake my being awake for you _not_ performing exceptionally well.” Abed whispers. “I think I’m still lost in my head from it all.”

“So why are you awake?” Troy asks, rolling over onto his side to face Abed fully. 

“I was asleep for a bit. But I rolled over and bumped into you, and then I woke up, and I wanted to go on the roof.” Abed says quietly, looking out the window. “It’s really clear tonight...I thought maybe we could see the stars.” 

“I love you.” Troy breathes out as he leans in and kisses the edge of Abed’s jaw. “Come on.” he says as he slides out of bed, pulling a sweatshirt over his bare torso and pulling on a pair of sweatpants. He watches Abed’s silhouette as he pulls a pair of pajama pants on and stretches, the muscles in his back flexing. Troy could stare at him for hours. He finds one of Troy’s sweatshirts to pull over his head and looks at Troy with a childlike glint in his eye. He walks over to Abed and interlaces their fingers together, and they try not to giggle as they leave the apartment and climb the stairwell to the roof.

When they get up there and Abed finds something to prop the door open with, he pulls Troy over to the middle of the roof and sits down. Troy sits behind him and puts his legs on either side of Abed, leaning back on his hands so Abed had a chair of sorts to rest on.

“Aren’t they pretty?” Abed whispers as he stares up at the sky, his head resting on Troy’s shoulder. 

Troy’s not even looking.

The only thing he wants to look at is the way Abed is glowing right now, it seems. 

“They’re beautiful.” Troy says, pressing a kiss to the top of Abed’s head.

“Troy?” Abed speaks again, still not bringing his voice above a whisper.

“Yeah?” 

“When you said you wanted to get married...and have kids…”

“Yeah?”

“Were you serious?” Abed’s voice is so quiet Troy has to crane to hear it now.

“Of course I was serious.” he replies, tucking his chin onto Abed’s shoulder. “I can’t imagine my life without you. Not again. And I’d to think we could have a couple of little Troy and Abed’s running around. Maybe a little Annie, or Britta.” Troy smiles at the crooked grin on Abed’s face. “Well, maybe not _exactly_ like them. But you get my point. What I’m trying to say is, I think our life right now is really amazing. But I think it could be even better, if you wanted to give it a try.” 

“You think our life could be even better than this?”

“Yeah...we could have a house, wherever you wanted. Anywhere in the world. And we could set up big blanket forts that could fit a couple of extra kids, and have big movie nights with stuffed animals and pacifiers everywhere. A big Dreamatorium for all of us to play in...I think it’d be a good fit for us.”

Abed turns his head slightly to look at Troy. “You’ve thought a lot about this.”

“More so recently. I’ve always wanted to have kids, I just didn’t know with who. But now I know for sure.”

The corner of Abed’s eyes crinkle in a smile. “Tell me more.” he whispers, laying back on Troy’s chest.

“We would get married first, with just our friends. You and I both know we’re not very showy.” Abed nods against his chest. “I thought maybe we could get married in a big field. Endless possibilities.”

“What would be the color scheme?” 

“I think pale yellow and maybe a burnt orange. It’s either that or some kind of red and blue. But I like the yellow and orange better.” 

“Me, too.” Abed says, shifting a bit to curl into Troy’s lap.

“And then we’d go on a really long honeymoon. And I’d take you everywhere I went that made me wish you were there. All the places I thought you’d like. And we’d make new memories there together to replace the ones I have, because they’d be happier with you in them.” Troy sniffles a little. “And it’ll make me feel like that whole thing was really worth it, because I’d end up being able to share it with you.” He feels Abed ball part of his sweatshirt up in his fist. “And then we’d go home, wherever that ends up being, and we’d wait a little bit. Maybe less than a year. And we’d apply for adoption.” 

“How many kids would we have?”

“2. Twins. A boy and a girl.”

“That’s what I want, too.” Abed whispers.

“And we’d nail it on the first try. The adoption lady would love us, and the surrogate mother would love us, and it would just be perfect. The baby girl, she would be born first. By a few minutes. And she’d always hang it over her brother’s head.” Troy chuckles. “They’d be best friends. And Jeff would be the godfather-”

“Obviously.” Abed says at the same time as him, making Troy laugh.

“Obviously. And he’d bring Britta to come help us, and then Annie and Shirley would come a little bit after them. Jeff would teach them all the important things they need to know about life, Annie would teach them all the tricks to doing well in school. Shirley would teach them how to bake and how to cook and how to set the table. And Britta, well, hopefully she’d teach them what _not_ to do. But in that Britta way, where she kind of messes it up, but it ends up working out in the end?”

“Exactly.”

“And when they go off to college, they go on opposite sides of the country. She is really good at science, and she wants to be a surgeon. Her dream school was Stanford, and she got in. And he’s really good at sports _and_ film, but he loves film more, so he goes to an arts school, like NYU. He gets that from his Dad.” 

“What else did they do? Before they go off to college?”

Troy pauses, tilting his head slightly to the side. “He played soccer, and she played softball. They were stellar athletes. But they didn’t want that life. They realized there was more to it than just being the best, even though they were.” Troy sniffles again. “We never put pressure on them to do sports. They did it because they loved it, and because they _wanted_ to do it. We told them they could always decide to quit, if they didn’t love it anymore. If they didn’t want it to be their whole identity anymore. But they’d always say we didn’t raise quitters, and even if we did, they wouldn’t quit. Because it was always about the love of the game, not the expectations.” he swallows hard. “And they’d never have to worry about their parents fighting, or yelling at each other, or slamming doors. They’d know what it’s like to live in a good household, with two parents who love each other so much it hurts.” he feels Abed reach up to wipe a tear from his face. “And they’d settle down and find someone who makes them feel like the breath gets taken from their lungs, and who makes them laugh constantly, and indulge in their likes and hobbies, and would never hurt them. And it would all work out.”

“Troy…”

“What I’m trying to say,” Troy reaches one hand up to wipe his eyes and then brush Abed’s hair out of his face. “Is that I don’t want anyone else. That if this is what you want, I’m all in. I’m going to give it one hundred and ten percent, because that’s what you deserve.” he looks at Abed with a serious expression on his face, and ignores the way his lip quivers as he tries to be strong.

Abed turns around to face Troy, wrapping his legs around Troy’s waist. “I want all of that. _Exactly_ that. Everything you just said.” he kisses Troy’s forehead and wraps his arms around Troy’s neck. 

“You know how I said I’d go all out for a proposal last night at the premiere?” Troy asks as he ducks his head down to rest it on Abed’s chest.

“Yeah, I remember something like that.”

“Will you forgive me for not making it more extravagant now and I’ll make up for it later?” Troy asks, picking his head up.

Abed’s brow furrows. “Troy, are you asking me-”

“Yes. And I’m sorry I don’t have your ring, I’m supposed to go pick it up tomorrow. And I know I’m not down on one knee, and I don’t have a big speech planned yet, and I’m basically breaking every trope known to man, but I’m asking if you’ll-”

“Yes.” Abed whispers, nodding his head rapidly. “Of course I will.”

Troy smiles and cups Abed’s face in his palms, kissing him deeply, feeling Abed’s legs tighten around his waist as he pulls him in closer.

“I can give you a proper engagement tomorrow night.” Troy says against his lips.

“Don’t.” Abed says, pulling back. “I want to remember it just like this.” Troy smiles and pulls Abed back in, dropping his hands to Abed’s waist and pulling him in impossibly closer.

“Can I show you the ring?”

“Yeah.” Abed breathes, and Troy pulls his phone out of his pocket, opening up a photo. “Troy…”

It’s a silver band with small green gems placed crookedly around the length of the band.

“It’s from my class ring.” Troy whispers. “I know how much it meant to you, even when it didn’t mean much to me. And...seeing it in your things when I was getting it all gathered...I know me being gone didn’t work in my favor, but a little tiny part of me always hoped you’d want to see me again. And knowing you kept it, instead of throwing it away...It meant a lot to me, and I wanted you to have a piece of it forever, but now both of us do.”

Abed looks up at him from the phone. “You got one, too?”

Troy nods. “I hope you don’t mind. I took the liberty of getting my own ring made, too. I just thought it would be very ‘Troy and Abed’ of us to have matching rings.”

Abed grins. “It’s perfect.” he buries his face in Troy’s neck, hugging him tightly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” 

Troy holds Abed in his arms for a while until he feels him grow heavy, and he grunts quietly as he picks them both up off the ground, carrying Abed back down to their apartment. When he sets him on the edge of the bed, half-awake, Abed lifts his arms up, and Troy chuckles. 

“Can you take it off?” Abed asks, and Troy responds by pulling it gently over his head, fixing his hair afterwards. He runs a thumb gently over the dark spots littering Abed's neck and collarbone. “Your turn.” Abed says, barely opening one eye to watch Troy take his sweatshirt off. Troy smiles as he reaches behind him and pulls it up over his head. His breath catches as Abed runs a finger down his torso. “Hmm.” he hums. “You’re pretty beautiful, too.”

Troy grins as he leans in to kiss Abed. “Easy there, lover boy. Why don’t you get some rest first?”

Abed’s eyes shut all the way again as he puts on a pout, reaching out to grab Troy’s hips. “So unfair.”

“We can remake that another night when you’re not so tired, okay?” Troy laughs under his breath, kissing both of Abed’s cheeks and his nose before pushing him gently into his pillows.

“Fine.” Abed sighs, instantly reaching for Troy as he settles into the bed. “Your my fiancé now.” he smiles as he shifts over to lay on Troy’s chest. 

“I sure am.” Troy responds, wrapping an arm around Abed.

“I guess silly little dreams in college do come true.” Abed says quietly.

Troy looks down at Abed on his chest, and realizes that this is all he’s ever wanted, ever since they met. This moment right here.

“Yeah. I guess they do.” Troy smiles.

—

They close the trunk of the car as their daughter gets out of the backseat, taking her brother in for a tight hug.

“Don’t forget about me once you’re in New York.” she says wetly, making him laugh.

“Of course not. How will I when you call me every other hour just to sit and do nothing on the phone when we live together?” he replies, holding her tightly. She laughs and playfully hits his shoulder as she pulls away, falling into Troy’s open arm at his side. 

“Alright, come here.” Abed says, pulling him into a hug and resting his chin on top of his head. “I love you. And I’m so proud of you.” he whispers to him. “Early enrollment is an incredible achievement, and you should be really proud of yourself, too.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you.” he says into Abed’s chest. “You’re the one who taught me everything I know about film.” 

Abed wipes a tear from his eye. “Yeah, but you had a talent for it all on your own.” Abed pulls back and holds him at an arm’s length, admiring him, sliding his fingers through his hair to push it out of his face. The same way Troy does to him, he now does for his son. “You’re so grown up.”

“Okay, okay, it’s my turn.” Troy says as he hands Abed their daughter. He takes his son in his arms and squeezes him tightly, his son wrapping his arms around Troy's stomach. “Call us when you get through security. And when you get to your gate. And when you board. And when you land. And-”

“Troy, I think he gets it.” Abed laughs, pulling their daughter tightly into his chest.

“I know, I’m just worried.” Troy laughs wetly, putting a kiss to the top of his head. “Aunt Annie will be there to help you get to campus, okay? And she’s only a train ride away from the city, if you ever need her for anything, and-”

“Troy.” Abed says gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. “He’ll be fine.”

“I will, Dad. You don't have to worry about me. You guys have done more than enough to prepare me for this.” he says, smiling up at Troy. Troy wipes his eyes hard as he pulls all four of them into one group hug. “I love you guys.” he says from the middle of the pile.

“We love you, too.” Abed says, and he and Troy step back as their children do their own handshake - two taps on the chest with two claps of their hands, and a snap at the end.

“We’ll see you soon! Parent's Weekend!” Troy calls after him as he goes into the airport, waving at his family and giving them a thumbs up as he disappears into the double doors. Troy starts to cry, but their daughter pulls him into a hug.

“It’s okay, Dad. He’ll probably call you tonight wondering how to make buttered noodles even though we eat it every other night for dinner.” she says, making Troy laugh.

“If he doesn’t know how to make my specialty, we might have bigger problems on our hands.” Abed chuckles, walking back to the driver’s side door. “Your turn, missy. Let’s go move you into your dream school.”

**Author's Note:**

> realizing now that i've posted three (3) community fics and never plugged my tumblr so yeah! find me over there at the same name (damntrobed.tumblr.com) if you wanna talk about this or anything else community!


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